"so check your jurisdiction if you want to be certain there isn't an ice pick out there with your name on it...."

my feet whacked out a steady pace on the treadmill. the row of tv's that was normally lit up was a row of black screens. there had been god only knows what kind of short circuit... probably the hot tub overflowed again. fortunately i didn't pay to get into the gym. anthony's previous man fling gave me a stack of free passes. just enough to satisfy the single digit cravings i had throughout the month to exercise.

dan was running -of course- on a ridiculous incline -of course- beside me and looked forlorn staring ahead with no television.

i watched his face reflect back on the screens and saw him reach over to tap me on the shoulder. my malingering neurotic traits rear their ugly faces under three circumstances: when someone interrupts a surgery/deformed baby story; when i'm late; and finally when someone gets my attention when i'm zoning out with headphones on.

since it was dan i didn't need to try and show much restrait. i growled like a feral cat backed into a corner and his hand jumped back. reaching down i paused the song i was listening to and looked at him. he looked concerned and a little scared, well trained by Anthony I'm sure to retreat when required.

"i... i'm..."
"don't say it... don't say it... i TOLD you to bring your mp3 player because I hate talking when i'm on a machine!"
he looked overly sad and looked a head.
great, you made big gym bunny tear up... "Dan, sorry... i'm all fucking..." i grunted as the pace picked up on the treadmill. stupid progressive program. "I'm just all fucking wound up since i'm trying to quit smoking. Look, i turned it off... let's... let's talk before i take a heart attack on this thing."
"The only thing that keeps me looking a head on this thing is the tv. i don't know what to do with myself for 2 hours without it!"
two hours? i'm not staying here 2 hours... i hope you have to wear a towel in the sauna. ughghghh... creepy old man titties...
"What do you want to talk about... i'm more in a... listening mood ya know?"
"I don't know if you know, but i'm seeing someone now."
"Oh yeah? that's good! who is it?"
"You don't seem surprised."
"What? You're just going to sit around and wait for Anthony to get back together with you? That's... st... stupid." i want your fucking problems. hot and taut body with equally dishy guys banging down his door
"that's what you think then, that it would be stupid for us to get back together again?"
"It... wasn't... healthy.... You wanted the little, you know, boy... boy to be social with. it wasn't for... anthony. Still... Shit!" I snapped the emergency off button. i was going to pass out if i didn't pick between breathing and talking or breathing and running. I slid slowly down the belt and Dan kept going. looking back up at the sceens i stared at him. "Not your fault Dan. You deserve what you want. You can't expect that out of Anthony, but you can't settle for something you're not totally happy with, ça va?"
He looked sad... why am i dealing with this? i'm going to collapse if i don't get a cigarette into me RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!
"But... I really like Anthony!"
heaving myself up and exhaling a hefty grunt i walked to the front of Dan's treadmill and shut it off. i watched him receded back and give me the hunky puppy look as i call it.
"Let's get out of here... Anthony's due to teach his class in 15 minutes and he'll kill me if he sees me here with you." shit, that was supposed to be an inside thought. god damn chemical detox messing with my brain
"He won't let you hang out with me!?"
His shoulders folded forward and he really looked like he was going to loose it.... face all pinched up and going red trying to hold it in.
"No! No, not like that... he'd just be bent out of shape if he knew i was hanging out with you."
He tensed up a little. "Meaning he'd be... jealous?"
i whipped my sweaty towel from my back pocket to wipe my face down and i gave a little scream into it. We need to get out of here... in, great, 10 minutes before dr. routine blows in here and whips my ass for playing gymbo patty cakes with Dan.
"Yo, Beefy Cakes, I'm running on, oh five hours of sleep and this is day two of fulling weaning myself off of cigarettes... and i would just." my towel twisted violently in my hands. "I would just about do anything to get a hold of one. you hear?"
Nodding. good boy
"Skip the shower, let's grab our bags and get some juice at the Rabbit Hole and talk some more."
"But we'll be sweaty and gr..." he was rethinking his whine. "I guess we can always walk back to my place from there. I was planning on going for a run tonight but I guess i can postpone it and run further tomorrow and,"
"Great! Fantastic! Fucking run all you want. Let's get out of here and you can plot out all the god damn gym routines you need!" Clearly he was still balancing his work out schedule in his mind as I shoved him towards the change room. 5 more minutes and then we run the risk of bumping into him in the parking lot hustling along we made an escape and i finally relaxed outside knowing that we were walking in the opposite direction than what Anthony would be driving.
"This is that time where I'm supposed to give you the Emergency Cigarette isn't it?"
"Yes poppet, it is. Hand it over."
"Here. I'm making you crazy aren't I?"
I wasn't listening. I was too busy sucking in a drag. fit faggots begone! leave me be and let me be a tubby old toad chain smoking with a glass of wine...
"It's sad you know..." I looked at the tip of the cigarette. "It's been so long since I got laid that this is more familiar than a blow job."
"How long?"
"Longer than you've ever waited for someone to give you head."
"Honestly!"
"October."
"NO!"
"Did that just blow your fucking mind? No sex for five months."
"Wow. I'm not even..."
"No I know, you're not even a whore."
"Thanks for filling in that blank. Now that you're getting nicotine, why won't..."
My eyes were rolling back. "Tell me why he would be mad that you're hanging out with me!"
"OH GEE DAN, maybe he doesn't want me hanging out with his ex boyfriend that he's not really talking to. Maybe? Maybe."
"It was his decision to end things..."
"After you slept with someone else!"
"Well... We hadn't been, you know, together for over a month. I just hate using the drunk excuse, but it happened. I wanted him to talk to me, but i just got fed up with everyting being hidden. For godssakes, he lives with you! Why wouldn't he be accepted if he came out?!"
"So you think he's 100% gay then?"
"No. But still! WE WERE DATING. Boyfriend and boyfriend. Everyone knew that's what was happening but still all this bullshit dodging around over who I could and couldn't drop hints about being gay around."
"Dan, what are you supposed to do in this case if you were Anthony. You've been straight to everyone you know, but you happen to fall for a dude.. a tat tat! don't interrupt! doesn't matter if he'll date a guy again, in this instance, he'd never done it before so it's a big deal."
"Why would he be ashamed of us?"
"Please, what are you supposed to do? Send out a change of mailing address card to all your friends telling them that you're a fag now? Do you just walk up to people who don't know and say, "listen, i'm sucking cock now and this is my man so, yeah, just wanted to let you know. It would be tricky. I don't know what I would do if i fell for a woman."
"Please, you're so gay..."
"Yeah, I'm down with the dick on a long-term basis for sure. But I've never been cocky and felt that maybe some day i might meet a woman i MIGHT be attracted to. Why couldn't it happen? Why would I assume it's impossible? I know i'm gay gay gay, but what if? you know... I'm not siding with him, he should have tried to work with you instead of resisting you the whole time. you probably should have broke up with him instead of pussing out and just cheating on him, ya know? oh god why is this cigarette over?"
Dan pulled out another on from the tin he was supposed to only keep one smoke in. "It's mostly weed but mixed with tobacco."
"I could just blow you right now to say thanks."
"Lovely. Here, it's on the house until I call in my bj IOU."
"bless... bless your little heart. you always knew how to kiss up to me didn't you?"