i wish i was house, but i know i'm just a pussy like wilson....

ok so i've dedicated a vast portion of my energy into watching the dvds of the show House. I dunno... watching them one after the other you can see the whole show formula yet this has done NOTHING to deter me from being hooked on it. i'm going to chalk it up to liking Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard who plays Dr. Wilson... no matter as much as i'd like to relate to House as the kill joy asshole, i'm probably way more like Wilson in terms of being snarky but too neutered by passive aggressive traits to do any damage...

Point? I have 4 more discs of season 2 to claw through, but that'll wait until after the move... AND! http://www.somethingawful.com photoshop phriday segment that was on fake children's books... this was the one that made me snort lemon 7-up out my sinuses.


http://www.somethingawful.com/d/photoshop-phriday/childrens-books2.php

uh, kinda stupid if you don't know the show... wait, there's only 3 people out there reading this so i have a relatively small audience to disappoint.

god... still so much shit to move... better blog instead of working

way way waaaaaay back when i was in high school, i had the unfortunate task of deflecting from the fact i was a raging homo. i can barely hide my seething jealousy over how it's "slightly" easier to be out in high school now. [waving of cane]
er, some places.
not all.
just not as, you know, crazy to think about behbee homos dating openly or at least knowing that you could press charges after your jaw healed from being smashed.

i was/still am gayer than a french trombone in spring, but there was always the pressure to just keep my fucking mouth shut for lack of a better description. i didn't feel the burning need to run out in front of my barely-tolerated high school peers and shout, "GAY!! So very gay! I've been fucking one of you [in ye olde high school clique] for 2 years! that's right, you can't stop me from bumping cats all night to get my pussy fix!" and so on...

i enjoyed being able to research all this stuff on the internet and finding a pocket of friends that understood... but the overlying umbrella over everything was maintaining the status quo.

all girls are supposed to have a Dude Crush that you can squeal over and get all tingly in the vagina... i would constantly get the question as to who mine was and had to come up with something quick: George Clooney. Not bad. and I'm aware that he might be a homo too. ANYWAY.... i had to start collecting George images to put on my walls/locker and he became my Cover Story. The name you drop when you just need to sound kinda straight to gloss over the fact that i definitely wasn't just strictly-dickly.

i think i made a good pick... it would also explain why i wish i was handsome instead of pretty...

my room was covered in music posters, black and white print outs of eastern European gay porn stars and hockey players. The porn stars because i wanted to look like them with big dark eyes and the mystique of looking so innocent while getting multiple ass-reamings in a sauna. where the fuck was I? right... so when people came into my room [rare as it might be, thanks for being psycho mom and never letting me socialize unless i lied about it] it was hockey dudes from the teams i cheered for and these other guys in cropped pictures juuuuuuuuuust before their dongs. i dunno what was wrong with me... i liked porn from an early age. it was a confused package of did i just want to be a fag? did i secretly like dick but was mesmerized by how awesome tits were? or was it simply: dude-on-dude smut was hot?


ha ha... this was all i could find for a good pic?? i need to go get this stuff on dvd. i had tapes but that's no fun. i'm sure they're all worn out from fast forwarding & rewinds...
oh high school confusion...

your stephen fry 'o the day

sadly i'm taking this out of context from one of my favourite sections of this book... which was a slow start for me when i first got it back in highschool. now it's pretty much the one book i cart around with me when i travel and i'm at a loss to bring something else that's comforting to read.

"there is a hoary old chestnut in the film business. what is the most expensive stage direction you can write in the fewest number of words? so far as i know the winner, which was written into a genuine script, is still this:
the fleet meets."

The book goes on to my next favourite bit where he admits for the first time he's in love with a boy. it's mildly cheese, but it always plucked at my heart strings.

"so i wrote it down that first afternoon.

i love matthew osborne

i instinctively knew this meant that everything was changed. it was not the same thing at all to write

i love matthew osborne

as it was to write

i love paris

or

i love pizza

so i had to add

everything is different."

~ Stephen Fry Moab is My Washpot, 1997 [er, my copy was from back then]

he's gonna make it

go doggy!



the pessimist assumes that they made glue out of this dog for misbehaving.... WHAT? Tell me you didn't think that if even for a minute.

shitty-party.jpg

nataliedee.com

http://www.nataliedee.com/051707/shitty-party.jpg

this will be the complete antithesis of addison's party on sunday.

i got science... for every occasion

Where Are The Dogs Humping.com

damon albarn doesn't look like this any more, but...

sorry...

static, fuzz, hiss, it's just a thing sometimes...

http://www.bigfatwhale.com

bears will eat you!

nataliedee.com

grr... i want this fred perry jacket

pete doherty. if you don't know who this is, don't worry about doing research. just some trainwreck musician from the uk. i don't even listen to his stuff... this was just an absurdly adorable picture. i really like the colours and all the bags he has. I DON'T KNOW WHY I LOVE IT SO MUCH SO I'LL STOP MAKING STUPID JUSTIFICATIONS TO POST IT.

pete + crack + fred perry jacket that's slightly ugly yet i'm almost sexually attracted to it + basket 'o wee behbee kittens = blog post

this actually happened...er, most of it

i walked up McCaullum at a fast pace. i had a hard look on my face to dissuade homeless people from trying to beg for a cigarette. i flipped down my suspenders and let them bounce off my tight jeans. my fred perry shirt was truly a bargain considering what they were originally trying to sell it for. I could see smoke rising up from the stoop. Pasha was probably already out there chain smoking. He was cooling his ass off on the cement steps with Bucky who panted softly but got worked into a froth when i made eye contact.
"Go get him..."
Buck took off and hopped around like a spazzy rabbit until i would stoop down to crush him in a hug.
"Don't pick him up Nay, he hurt his leg at the dog park today."
"Aw Bucky done gon' hurt hisself? Poor baby!"
"You're retarded with him."
"HE'S A BABY!" My raised voice sent him over the edge whimpering and dancing around trying to decide if he should roll over or try to jump up. The knapsack strap slid off my shoulder and I hunkered down to sit with Pasha. Bucky wiggled between us and looked at me with those big brown eyes that looked so happy even if it was a hot summer evening. Grabbing his snout I smooched the side of his face and lifted up his floppy ear to whisper, "You are a retard... But I love you... Yes you Buuuuucky.... Yes!"
"Oh gross. Just fucking make out with him already."
"calm down... your brain's gone rotten in the heat." I opened up my bag and pulled out a bottle of cheap white wine and a litre bottle of water to try and counteract the booze.
"Screw top I hope?"
"Fuck, it's not like we can't go back into your apartment and get a cork screw."
His fingers flickered for me to pass the bottle over. he snapped the seal open and took a long pull of the wine. he was stripped down to the waist with a towel rolled up beside him. I was over for a drink and to shave his head down to a manageable length. Before I started i settled into the deep cement stairs and leaned back. It was a busy little intersection when it was past 7pm. The static clopping of hooker shoes going back and fourth... Hurried steps of people trying to avoid their stare... and assorted queers, punks and art school drop outs hanging out windows or lounging on front steps to get out of the oppressive heat inside the apartments.
Swigging back some wine i cracked a few knuckles and looked over at Pasha.
"You look tired mate... Want me to do your hair now? Might cool you off a bit. Screw the top back on the booze, i don't want to be sucking back stubble all night."
He fanned out the towel over his shoulders and passed over the clippers. Real nice battery operated set that he had gotten in a pseudo divorce settlement with a hairdresser he had been living with. Snapping my fingers I got him to sit a few steps down in front of me. we both shared a cigarette as I went to work on slowly dragging the clippers over the top of his head. A cutsie straight neighbour walked past and looked a little freaked out at what must have looked like queer skinheads getting ready for a night out... Well, I was dressed like a skinhead but no one was touching my heavy layers of shaggy hair with clippers.
Frisking my hand over the puppy fuzz bristle on his head i told him I was done and reached down for the wine.
"Looks good man."
"Thanks... What do I owe you?"
"Nothing... Cable's out at home and sitting on McCallum is better than any fucking telly show."
A hooker brayed at a counterpart who was traipsing across the road to the fly by night convenience store. "Gemme a plastic bottle if you're gettin' me a drink so we can huff outta it after."
Pasha and I kept looking forward and said in unison, "NICE!" Bucky let out a muffled growl/woof as she walked past... Nothing scary, just a lot of air puffing out his lips as he wiggled closer to me. "Rowrrrff-ff-fff..."
"Good dawg, you tell that old hooker."
Pasha threw a thick hand on his neck and scratched under his collar. Buck was clearly in heaven sandwiched between two men even if he was hot under a thick fur coat.
A hoor spotted us across the road. "Whattre you faggots looking at?!"
We smirked and Pasha rubbed a hand down his nipple and nodded at her. She looked away disgusted and we had a nice laugh. It only gets better as the night goes on.... Pasha leaned over to give me a messy tongue kiss all over my ear to get me going.
"You're a pig."
"It's just the wine. Which is surprisingly good for a screw top."
"How did we go from semi-homeless queer kids to fags with full time jobs?"
"Don't feel bad, we're just as screwed up and horny as we were back then."
"Can't argue with that logic."

imogen hassall is still a pretty catchy blog title... even if i already used it today

Anthony's voice bounced down the hallway. his usually direct tone was soothing and inviting as he led an advanced Pilate's class. i peeked into the doorway with Dan and watched him. Totally in his element... leading a room full of eager students and having them obey his commands. He really should have been a university teacher to instill fear and sadness into any punks who thought they could get an easy ride. i ducked back before he turned around and slammed into a clammy, sweat-soaked tshirt.
"Aw gross! Back up Dan!" I gave him a shove and he looked amused.
"Like you're not covered in sweat already."
"Yeah not yours, fuck."
"His class is starting to catch on. I think he's poaching from my students."
"You do a two hour intensive kick boxing class, i can't see them abandoning kicking ass for repetitive flexing."
He careened his neck around the doorway to look back in. "Maybe he's bribing them?"
"Yes Dan, one free bj for every new sign up. Don't even look at me like it might be true. Get. A. Grip."
"Don't you think it's stupid that he doesn't want us to hang out?"
"Maybe it's because you obsess and keep asking me stupid questions about him?"
"How is this obsessing?"
"I dunno... maybe because you're supposed to be doing personal training with me and so far all we've done is get a juice and stalked Anthony around the gym. God damn it, don't you have a boyfriend... or what? Are you looking for a threesome? Because, buddy, i've been barking up that tree for a long time and it ain't gonna happen."
He leaned up against the wall and looked at me. "Remember when you said that I was in love with a doomed scenario? I really liked that description."
"Not really something you truly want to be experiencing tho, you know?"
"I know. I can't help it if..." In the background we heard the class wrapping up and we bolted down the hall to make it look like we were going to the weight room but got busted half way to the doorway.
"HOLD IT!"
Dan leaned me up against the wall in a last ditch effort to make it look like he was helping me with a stretch. "Ow! That fucking hurts!"
"No no, you gotta go into the stretch and really...feel it..."
"Stop you're going to give him a fucking hernia."
Dan let me know and I shook off the deep stretch with a furious look on my face. "Hey watch the language, this is where I work FULL time Anthony."
Oy got, he was still obsessed with him but had little to no control over the snarky tone that seeped into his voice when talking to him. Issssssueeeees.
"Real good argument Dan as you stalk me around here all the f..." His students started to file out and looked around unsure at what was happening. Anthony straighted up and dropped the argument to storm past us.
"Dan, do you have to transition directly to hostile every time you talk to him? 'Cause if this is the angle you're working, I think you need to reevaluate." oh my god, he's crying. there's 30 people streaming up and down the hall and i'm standing here with Hunky Gym Bunny crying over Closet Case Gym Bunny.god i fucking hate the gym!

Imogen Hassall's zombie is rising from the grave to eat my brains

in a way i want to try this, but only because i would try just about anything to not exist in a perpetual state of stuffed up

pfffffft

nataliedee.com


caption: i thought they only did that for self-defense

really?!?

even as a consumate pothead, even i have enough fool-ass sense to NOT try and smuggle it on a plane.

swish....

marriedtothesea.com