3 BlackBerry's in 4 days. please let me keep this one...

i was wrist-deep into a stilton salad when avi paused between mouthfuls of lambchops to ask a pointed question. "So, do you have a new work husband yet?" I had jumped ship for a new job, but i had yet to figure out the actual job let alone find someone like my ex work husband. Scoff... "Hardly. Ya know, this is more the stage where I'm in the interview process for work boyfriends. Too soon, man."
He eyeballed our waitress who was talking to another table. We were imaculate weilding cutlery and could eat with the pickiest... we didn't impress each other, but it made for speedy and cunning consumption of fine meals. Nary a pinkie finger would lift but we had a natural rythm of stuffing our mouths and then pausing to set the fork down to the side. always on an angle down to the table. tip it up into the dish when you're done with it and don't acknowledge this action. oh god how i was ruined being beaten senseless by the lone relatives that had some class. never mind that they smacked the shit out of me to get that well trained.. no mind. back to the stilton salad.
Avi had silently negotiated another litre of wine for the table using only one hand and a polite grin. Our assorted chains to the office beeped or vibrated every couple of minutes, but we don't answer the phone on lunch. Admittedly i would rush out for a smoke as he ate dessert to check my BlackBerry and he frantically cascaded through his call list when i was away from the table. at least we went through polite motions of seeming civilized, or at the base of it, had ground rules for friendly meals.
Ignoring the pulse in my pocket i pushed around some leaves of salad. Avi split out the remaining portion of wine and shook his head. "No I understand the whole interview process. it's not easy finding that work spouse. Sometimes I wonder if i'll find a work wife with this new job. It's slim pickings."
"Not even a work husband?"
"Oh. Oh that's different. I totally have a work husband."
"Well... what the fuck! You don't get both!"
"I don't want to sleep with my work husband."
I strained my eye balls in a for real? open mouthed gasp.
"Nothing above the waist."
"OH how noble. Friction is the ultimate in passion."
"We're not talking about this... I mean, Mort is my work husband. For sure." Mort was the boss in the small PR firm that was looking after some tech firms in town. Only a touch of crag in the face, but i certainly would run away to Portugal for a few weeks with him... Which Avi had last year when they met at the bar. Avi was SUCH a good friend to come to the gay bar with me for moral support. Support that seemed to emerge when he had gone through a dry spell of no sex... no mind. He scored the jackpot and talked Mort into buying him a late night dinner to make him feel better about the blow job in his car. 4 hours of conversation later he had Mort email his travel agent to bring him along to Portugal for a few weeks. Avi quit his job and took off. Thankfully he kept talking for the remainder of the trip and reassured Mort that it wasn't too terribly retarded to let him work from the bottom up in his office.
From there he was a well-kept pet. he held his own in the office slicing throught the front desk operations to make it work instead of annoy people that walked in. Good lad worked hard but kudos to Mort for letting him progress normally, not letting occasional and intermitten requests for a hand job affect his judgement. sure cocksucking got him the job in the first place, but really, everyone has to get SOMETHING in the door initially to show you can get paid for SOMETHING.
"Mort is your office husband... if you get an office wife you're going to get fired."
"Oh I've thought of all this... I know I know... Fortuneately there's no one at work that I'd get all attached to. Just like I don't think you're going to replace your old office husband."
My fork dropped down and I sulked over the last dregs of my wine. "Thanks. I know."
Your office spouse should almost always be married or horribly attached in some way. They're that person at work you'd probably mate with given the chance, but deep down they'd probably piss you off just as much as anyone else you'd find in the dating world. Still! They pass the time in the office as you yak and chat and connect... You probably talk to them more than you'd ever talk to someone you're ACTUALLY dating. I loved my office husband in my previous job. Good looking and interesting? shut the fuck up. That's all behind me... At least this conversation served as a good reminder to actively look for a new gent to fill that void in the office.