fiction - aug 19 2006

"Tomorrow never fucking comes, does it?!"
Ben and I were shaking the shit out of someone who was falling behind on our easy-to-follow payment schedule.
"It's not that hard! Pay us and we stop beating the shit out of you!"
The pleading and then trying to scream for help when we loosen up a little. Like anyone comes to the rescue anymore.
"Shh... shhh... SHUT UP. Shhh... Are we cool? Are we going to yell again?"
Ben had him in a one-hander choke, and I was petting his hair watching his eyes push out from the skin seams of his sockets. it's a facinating thing really.
"Piggy! I need you to shut up and listen. OK?"
He nodded and tears burst out from the sides. Probably more from the lack of oxygen than remorse. Ben was squeezing the shit out of this guys neck, but what's the point in telling him to ease off? What? Like we want to avoid hurting him?
"Phhlll... phhllleee...."
"Ready to talk?"
Wide eyes pooling with tears and filling up with terror. Yes yes I'll talk.
Ben loosened his hand and drew it away slowly... One deep breath in.
"Aagghghhhhh! help meeeee!" Only it came out in a strangled pile of noise. Nothing that actually was auidable beyond a 5 foot radius... But that's besides the point. I'm not mad. I'm disappointed in you, Piggy. Really disappointed.
Ben snapped him up again and charged him into the brick wall.
"Piggy! You motherfucker! Why aren't you doing this the nice way?"
Bang bang thump! Piggy wasn't doing so hot.
"Ben, hold him." I started rifling through Piggy's pockets. Bill clip. Empty. Wallet? $180 dollars? What the hell.. He had no intentions on paying us back at this meeting. Digging around some more. Hello? What's this? A fucking awesome flip head knife! Click. It came open and I admired the beautiful blade. This was the type of jabber you have to take in to get professionally sharpened. Real nice nice like. You could gut a fucking grizzly bear with this...
Piggy was really scared now.
"Were you going to show up and flay us with this shank, Piggy? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you don't go around with this sort of blade every day. Fine. Fine. I'm sick of this."
I fished around for car keys and put a hand on Ben's shoulder. Let's get back to his place and rob him. We're wasting our time."
He collapsed in a weezy little pile of wrinkled suit and coughs.
Ben called Boss Lady and brought her up to speed. He grunted a few times and hung up.
"What's the news?"
"Go back to his place and take as much as we can and then if he doesn't call the police we're all even-steven."
"Even-Steven?"
"That's what mom said."
"Pfft. Hardly worth the trouble. You better have some good shit at the house Piggy!"
His hand was wavering up. No? No? No... No? No, oh lord! he's trying to pull out another knife from his sock. You've got to be kidding me. He was dizzy and couldn't even stand up without leaning on the wall.
"Gabby, my hand's tired... Come on. You always get to be the one who screams and I choke.."
"Alright you big suck."
This knife was definately less intimidatingly cool... but with jagged edges... this thing would rip the shit out of things if they were weilded properly. Sadly Piggy was in no shape to be any threat.
"Drop it OK? You loose. You owed money from being a degenerate gambling fuck and we're calling it in. Your fault. So let's put down Mr. Stabby Stabby and call it a day eh?"
He made a sad wobbly lunge but I caught hold of his hand and yanked the knife out. Please. This is just sad.
"Give Piggy the Drywaller."
"Oh that's been done before."
"Come on! Drywaller!!"
"Wha? The what?"
"I guess you deserve to know what it is before I do this. See, drywalling contractors have a rather dangerous job you know? Everyone just thinks they prop up sheets of wall and that's it. Let me tell you, that actual drywall shit is sharp as all hell and it can really do some damage. Not to mention all the tools you need to cut it down to size. I got the idea watching someone at work and then, ya know, have a little accident. The guy sliced along his hand. Right along the side where your pinkie is, right in the middle. He cut it down to the bone and ka-pwing! it snapps all these muscles. the doctors can sometimes get up in your arm and look for them, but most of the time they're gone for good like some elastic you launch into the air."
"Huh?"
I twisted his arm roughly to flash the side of his hand towards my face. in my free hand i whisked the blade through Piggy's hand with a swift gesture. Sometimes I like to think of the muscles fraying and pulling away from each other. Snap and then all that blood... the hand instantly curls on the one side and it'll probably stay that way for a long time. I dropped the kinfe beside him. He wasn't even making a noise. Rolling on the ground stunned and clutching at blood and the open flap that won't stop until someone puts stitches in.
"Piggy, my advice is to take this $10 and cab it to the hospital. Here buddy, I'll even leave you your Health Card so it's nice and easy."
Ben and I left to go look for the car.
"He drives a Saab."
"Oh gross! You take it I'll take your car up to the house."
"Hey, Gabs, wipe up or you're fucked if a cop pulls you over."
"Gotcha. See you in 10."

mix-o august 8 2006

kc accidental - broken social scene
black milk - massive attack
bad luck -royal city
hotcha girls - ugly cassanova
run - air
blight takes all - ...and you will know us by the trail of dead
wow - snow patrol
what does it feel like? - felix da housecat
me and madonna - black strobe
positive tension - bloc party
we never change - coldplay
enjoy - bjork
too much love - lcd soundsystem
can i please have an order of girl with a side of confused - despistado
sunspots - nine inch nails
morning bell - radiohead
reservations - wilco
i'm still your fag - broken social scene

fiction - august 4 2006

I was leaning against brick and finishing up the dregs of a cigarette. Looking around the parking lot was still. No new cars and no one leaving the restaurant.
Fuck!
I kicked the brick pillar to burn off some fury and searched for another smoke. Good! Fucking good and great! I have two left and I can't even run across the road to get more.
I had been in front of Jiao Zi for what felt like the better part of a day. Or more importantly the majority of the time that I was awake and hungry. Anthony was sitting in his car parked across the street glaring at me. I couldn't take this! I started walking to the street to cross and Anthony honked the horn. Through the traffic he shrieked in a terrifyingly angry voice, "GET BACK THERE AND GET THAT EGG PLANT!"
"FUCK YOU! NO ONE IS GOING TO GET IT FOR US! I NEED SMOKES SO LET'S SWI..." He rolled up the window and ignored me. Prick piece of shit mother fucking gym bunny stuck up miserable whiny bitch pseudo fag goddamnhellass FUCK! I steamed with clenched fists thinking about every nasty thing I could think of...
Ding-da-ding.
The doorchimes... Someone was leaving! I quickly walked over to them but stopped when the husband made eye contact. I had already asked them on their way into the restaurant and the mad had pushed me around a little. Which is understandable... I guess. I put my hands up and backed off as he shook his head and quickly escorted the woman to a car.
Damn it.
Comming around the corner was a mass of voices. Students! Oh glory be...
A pack of university students with knap sacks came around the corner... Glory be to the gods of irony! One of them comes to the porn store. Praise! Glory! Eggplant!!!
He saw me and froze as the group kept walking. Way to give me the upper hand.
"Hey... Hey! Hey guys... Can I ask you a favour?"
The group stopped and eyed me up suspiciously. The guy who rented from the porn store still held back and looked sick with worry that I would tell all his little friends he liked tranny on tranny porn the best.
"Could I give you $20 to get me a take out order of eggplant and chili?"
One girl spoke for the gaggle of boys. "What? Go in and get it yourself! What? You're too high and mighty to sit in a Chinese restaurant?"
That's it. I'm burned out to all hell. I'm hungry beyond all compairisons and Anthony had dragged me here to try and solicit people to buy food. Ping! There's that little noise! The little noise in my head when I'm about to flip out.
I moved forward in an agressive pounce and stood over her. I looked down and widened my eyes.
"Do you not think that if I could WALK ON IN THERE that I would have done that? Do you think that I'm just standing out here because I won't talk to Chinese people?! You know what? I fucking love everyone! I love 'em. LOVE EM SO MUCH THAT I WILL DO STUPID THINGS LIKE THIS!"
The students looked scared. This won't help.
Breathe. "Kids, I'm sorry. I would go in, but they won't serve me."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing... It's just they get it in their mind that you can't handle the food... and it changes."
Still a pack of confused faces.
"Look, unless I get someone who's Asian or East Indian to go in and order this, they'll make it without the chilis and they won't make it as good."
"That's bullshit!"
"You know what's bullshit? You telling me I'm making this up! Do you think I like hanging out in fucking plazas in a the heat on a Sunday asking people to buy me fuckingeggplantandchili?!"
"Come on guys, I have a fierce craving for eggplant now..." She led the pack past me and left me there with a $20 in hand. Denied. Not for long.
"Hey... Hey HEY!"
The group turned around.
"Be kind... Please rewind will you?"
The tranny fanatic froze. I never want to get between a man and his smutty desires, but I'm desparate.
The Tits 'n Dick guy suddenly spoke up. "Come on guys, you know they give the run around to white people... Let's just get it for him OK?"
Another guy spoke up. "Hey fuck man, you have to realize that they don't want people to treat this place like a fucking buffet for seniors."
"I know! I respect that! And this is why my roomate is so hooked on this stuff. It's SO GOOD but it never tastes the same as when the right person orders it. Please, please i'm sorry I was psycho. I just want an order and I'm out of here."
Tranny Boy nodded and walked back to take the $20. With my lips shut I threw my voice softly as he came up to me. "Im so sorry... i'm desparate. free rentals this week?"
"Make that this month."
I yanked the $20 out of his fingers.
"Don't get greedy." I hissed.
"I don't think you want me to walk away right now."
"I don't think you want your little friends to know what we're negotiating about."
"Three weeks and I'll bring it out to you as soon as it's done."
"Deal. Keep the change."
I relaxed and turned away from the group. Fuck, that's shameful. Negotiating over free rentals to feed my roomate."
I slumped down to the sidewalk and waited. I'll faint if I have another cigarette. 10 minutes... 20 minutes. They're not coming back.
Ding-da-ding. I looked up... I half expected them to keep the $20, but out came Tranny Boy with a take out bag. He set it down beside me and stuck out a hand full of change.
"Honey, keep it. I'm an ass for trying to embarass you. That's not me... that's the hunger talking."
"No no... take it... My friends are looking through the window. Just take it."
"Thanks."
"No problem."
"See you tomorrow then? Er, ah... Sorry. That's tacky."
He sighed and walked away. Suddenly Anthony was there in the parking lot waiting for me to get in.
"The bag feels heavy. Fuck! I bet they just chucked rocks covered in red sauce in there!"
We rooted through the bag. TWO orders of eggplant and chili, TWO containers with broccoli and cashews and... and... And one order of ginger duck? This was way more than I had asked for.
"What the hell is all this?"
"Hey... Hey, look. It's your little friend."
The busboy was looking out the window at us. With a small grin. He was the same guy that the waitresses had sent out to my table the last time I dared to eat in. They pushed him towards us with poking fingers and made him try to run around and clear tables and serve my friend Kel. Poor thing was lost and unsure since, you know, he's the motherfucking busboy not a waiter. Kel and I had walked over to the area where the waitresses were congregated and pointed at the busboy to come over. In a touching ceremony I presented him money for the bill and Kel and I each gave him a snappy $20 for being nice enough to try. The waitresses looked gob-smacked and we walked out... I never thought that he'd still be here five years later.
"Wave to the boy, he made sure we got fed today."
We waved and he looked swelled up with a good deed.
"Let's get this shit home to eat. I'm sick of doing your dirty work today."