queen street station

so i've been in toronto for just over a month now. still looking for work, still broke but mysteriously not at all freaking out. when i had tons of money to burn i was flipping out about something or just being an anxious mess... sure i need to churn something up for work soon, but even then i'm not freaking out. it'll happen.

more importantly, i'm not freaking out about the move. friends, those who, er, shall we say enjoy schadenfreude a bit too much... haven't been especially cool about it. i don't get questions on if i'm happy or not. only "you must hate it" or my favourite, "so do you regret it?" come on, shitheads. i revel in the misery of others too, but not overtly. i pull the George Castanza and firmly believe that i don't do that shit to people's faces. so, still sniveling, but a classy one? ok i got nothing. still, the fact remains that some people are nibbling on their nails waiting for this whole thing to fall flat. NOT EVERYONE! if you're pouting i don't mean you. jesus. go see what's on tv and get a life instead of dwelling on this.

ANYWHO, so yeah. i have some mopey chums waiting for this whole thing to die a slow death. and you know what? it might! or i might really enjoy myself here and never leave. or stay for 10 years, snap and move to the middle of nowhere. i have options. and that's the point. i'll take things as it comes.

and i can chalk it up to jealousy, but why?! who the fuck would be envious of me being a total r-tard quitting my cushy & shingles-inducing job and moving to a totally new city? who knows. i keep my distance and i think i'll work really hard to stay out of waterloo for a while so avoid feeling like i should have opted for something safe and comfy.

my moment of the day came after a haircut. i freaked 3 weeks ago and got my mane chopped at a hairdressing school. and while it was classified as "adequate" for the first week, it soon turned into "fucking ugly uneven picket fence i'm going to wear a beanie forever to hide it". not good. i lined up a job interview for next week and let's be honest, i'm not batting at a high average here look-wise so i pony up with nice hair and totally bukkake the interviewer with my wit & poise. not even being stuck up, i do well in interviews.

whatever.

so i put the feelers out for a good hairstylist and my neighbour/my roommate's ex boyfriend's roommate's boyfriend [yeah you just try to keep up] was suggested. he lovingly took my hair from horror show to something very stylish and sleek. tho i noted that my grey hair has gone from a smattering to supernova rapid growth. sigh. after getting that done i had to take the subway home from Queen street. i... had to ask someone where the station was. SHUT UP! he was tickled that i was polite and didn't ask him for change so it was a good stranger interaction. on the subway, after checking my blackberry 10 times that i was on the right platform, i hopped on and put on a stony face while standing. looking at myself in the window as the stations zipped by i got to indulge in my latent vanity checking out my new hurrrr... and then it hit me.

"you're in toronto. you LIVE in toronto. full time. this isn't just a weekend trip. you live here, bitch."

wow! ton of bricks. like, i've been happy but i don't think it clicked up until that moment. i wound up grinning and scaring the shit out of two chicks in front of me... but hey, it was a good thing. i waived to them when they got off at the next stop.

so i'm making friends all over the city.

fun stuff!

to be continued.