Saturday, December 30, 2006

actually, no i don't

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

oh almost...

i was going to write out some lyrics, but then i realized it was for death cab for cutie and i don't think i could live with myself if i did that.

instead a cop out, nataliedee.com comic

natalie dee
nataliedee.com

this is totally something i would do... and be defensive about it.
natalie dee
nataliedee.com

Thursday, December 28, 2006

i'm running out of bukowski novels to read! damn it...

still pretty fucking bummed out. can everyone stop with the fucking line of thinking that just because i'm a funny/upbeat person that I can't have a really nasty case of anxiety or depression? Prior to leaving for out west i was having bad attacks of not being able to calm down or sit still. pacing around and shaking over small tasks or just shit I do every day... beyond jitters and being inconsolable. When i tried to explain that concept i was told that it was nothing and I was being silly. now today i reveal to a friend that i'm feeling low and it's hard to get out of the house and he said that i was pretty much bullshitting. feh.
maybe it's too much bukowski? doubtful, i really cant get enough.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

"casa bonita is like the mexican disney world!"

what do you get for someone that's mildly thoughtful but reflective of their on-going love of themselves? Why, you give them a picture of them self!

i took advantage of my dad's high quality colour printer [read: ransacked and raped the cartridge printing out all my favourite photobucket.com pics.] since i found a stack of glossy paper that he forgot about. i was surprised how nice they print... never no mind that i printed out more pictures of the cat... i threw in some other ones that I'd like to frame, but lord knows when I'll actually get around to doing that.

rambling.

i'm going to frame this and give it to mike for christmas and throw in a butt plug or something. wait...

YES I KNOW IT'S THE CRAPPY IPHOTO SPECIAL EFFECT. but he was dressed up as Andy Warhol so I think it looks cute.

anyways, still, i know mike won't actually read this so no harm no foul.

to andy love valarie solanis:

it's so small....

dad got me an iPod shuffle for xmas. Didn't ask for it, but actually I wanted one. Just something small that I can take places that I don't want to sacrifice my iPod to. Like, in theory, the gym, or more realistically, when i'm out for a walk and don't want to get shanked for an expensive mp3 player. hmm... guess i can still get shanked for that one. no matter. it's so small... i can't get over it.





i still love you iPod mini, even though you're an antique now compared to the new ones...

boxing day comic

what do you mean you don't get it?


marriedtothesea.com

Sunday, December 24, 2006

mike, you'll never read my blog

it's true. maybe if i was a nubile twinky boy yes, but the tubby lesbian card only works when needing me to open a jar of pickles....

in the mean time, http://www.nataliedee.com comics!

natalie dee
nataliedee.com

natalie dee
nataliedee.com

natalie dee
nataliedee.com

natalie dee
nataliedee.com

Saturday, December 23, 2006

"dere ain't no law against drugs..."



YOU PUT ON TWO PAIR OF PANTS!

"oh no, not santa's balls!" south park

we all suffer from certain little low-grade mental issues... mine happens to be anxiety about arriving late for things or being delayed en route and repetitive thoughts. now i'm sure i could be medicated up the twat for this, but i'm going to let it ride for a while longer. that's about as optimistic as i can get.

words that i repeat over and over in my mind when given the opportunity:
aujourdhui?
2 white pit bulls
de rien
dog dog dog dog.... [in the tune of "Charge" that they play at baseball games]
je pense que

why the fuck is it always french phrases? i even looked them up... yep, i even knew how to spell them correctly off the top of my head. this is horrifying since the ONLY reason i passed grade 9 french was because i was fucking the person beside me and she let me cheat off her homework/tests. what gives? there's probably more but they've been sufficiently muted from drinking all night.

evolution

from miserably depressed and sad to optimistically drunk. hzzah for the holidays and fluctuating moods when you're forced to leave your autistic standards of home and daily living.

what? i'm messed up i know. but i dunno... i'm stunned how sad i've been over the holidays. i haven't been like this in years, but hey, it's good to see that you can only come so far on your own before you just need to smarten up, have a drink and chill the fuck out instead of being bored and sober.







"that creep can roll, man..." the dude Big Lebowski



GOD DAMN. It's cliche. and every movie geek turd in the universe loves this clip, but the beauty of youtube.com is allowing the same caliber of nerds to post the same fucking clip over and over and over and over again. if there's a god, he/she will allow me to find a purple jump suit to dress up as jesus [say hay-zeus asshole] for halloween next year.

Friday, December 22, 2006

story tyme

hospitals... that smell... the crinkly sound the beds make... no doubt covered in some piss-proof cover. i squirmed a little thinking about the generations that sat in this bed before me and potentially tried out the pee covers.

huh, i have a blanket like this. i think i stole it from a hotel. facinating. my bed won't adjust either. i think the remote is a dummy to keep people occupied. same with the nurse page button. not like i actually WANT to see some moo cow waddle in here to give me some attitude. like it's my fault they're 250 pounds and have to huff and puff all day...

little chills... the back of the gown leaves a v-shaped swath of open skin. i wonder if i'll be in here long enough for them to feed me?

"GOOD GOD what the hell are you doing in here?"
"Good to see you Josie... can you give me a ride home?"
"Ride home? Ride HOME?! You're locked up here until the doctorssay you can leave."
"This is one of those understandings, see..."
"You cut yourself until you passed out. That's what they call a suicide attempt."
"No no... see... i was just cutting myself. the end goal wasn't to actually kill myself!"
"Sure sure Ophelia. You explain that to a doctor. Actually, haven't you talked to one yet?"
"I just woke up. I was in my room and then... bam. here."
"They must have drugged you."
"Well that's cool... But seriously, it's time for me to go."
"Turd, you've been in here for 2 days!"
"WHAT?!"
"I've been calling your cell for 2 days and finally Felix picked up and told me you were in here."
"Holy... shit? What the hell... How did I loose 2 days?"
"Felix said you kicked up a stink in emerg they must have pumped you up something good if you're just coming to now."
"YEAH. You did kick up a stink... Asshole." Cute, tall, and messy hair in wrinkled scubs. what a wonderful guest to come see me. At least I know what hospital I'm in.
"Yo! Dude! Long time no see!" I had managed to nail a doctor a year back. Sweet guy, just that he wasn't around enough to try and make a go of it.
"Nate... Why did you try and kill yourself?"
"I didn't! I was just cutting myself, like I said, and then I woke up here! Hasn't ANYONE around here heard of this "PHENOMENON"? Shit... it's stress relief and a whole other ball of emotional stuff... blah blah cutting back on drinking... blah blah other outlet. Just, the point is that I don't need to be in here. I'm so glad i'm all stiched up, but please... i'm not trying to die."
Chas hugged a clipboard to his chest. "You're telling me you cut yourself until you passed out? That's a pretty grey zone of self distruction."
"Maybe it was from the perkaset?"
"Agh! I can't stand you... Just... Just... I'm going to sign you out ONLY if you agree to be referred to a therapist. There's a better way to get your shit together than slicing yourself up."
"It's cheaper than therapy!"
Chas strode over to me and pushed Josie out of the way. He grabbed my hand and ripped down a heavily taped section of bandages. If I wasn't such a masochist I would have been upset.
"I'd rather have a spanking, personally.... Wow... That is a mess. I really went to town on myself. How the hell am I going to have this all covered up before I have to shoot next week?!"
"You should be glad that you didn't just die on your bedroom floor!"
"Who found me?"
"Your little roomate."
"Where is he?"
Josie was keying into her Blackberry. "He's out in the hall curled up in a ball. You know he gets all snakey in hospitals."
"CHICKEN SHIT!"
Faint voice outside of my room. "Sh... sh... shut up!" His stutter only came out when he was upset or when he was drunk. Both ideal times to exploit this fact until he was sputtering and shaking from rage. He peeked around the corner and I waved at him. Unfortuneately it was the arm that Chas had ripped the bandage off of. He yelped and pulled back.
"Oops... Little help here?"
Chas patted the tape back down and put down a fresh piece for luck.
"Shouldn't a nurse be doing that Chas?"
"They wont come in because you kept flailing around."
"I don't remember any of this. Can you pass on my apologies and order in some lunch for everyone?"
"Oh... ugh... you're still the same slick talker I see."
"Tell them I'm a sweetie. It was just the tranquilizers. Speaking of which, could I get some for the road?"
"Sit down and tell your little friend to stop using that thing in here. it's a hospital for godssakes."
"Order in italian ok? I want those nurses full and happy!"
"You're seeing that therapist Nate. Even if I have to drive you every time."
"Why don't we just double-book the appointments. You know, you talk and cry a little and then I do it." He was shaking his head and staring. "Come on, I'm being funny. Thanks Chas... Call me later."
"OK doll... I mean Nate.... Later." He walked out into the hall and turned to his left and looked down. "Get in there! The janitors are pissed off having to mop around you all day!"
"Josie... Help me get some fucking pants on. I need to get out of here and have a burn."
She was still keying in a text message. "Doc says you'll faint. Lost too much blood or something something."
"did they say anything about drinking?"
"Hmm? No I didn't hear anything about drinking."
"Alrighty! Let's get a move on and have a drink. I think a caesar would be a good fit. Lots of vitamins in the clamato juice or something..."
"Yeah yeah whatever. Let's go."

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

"our hell is a good hell..."

I was under Betty's desk. She was in an all day meeting and I thought it was the nicest office to hang out in. I liked the colour... it was like a warm shade of lemmon loaf. I started crying again thinking about home baking. More the stuff that my grandmother made not some made up down-homey June Clever moment from my parents homelife.
Leaning up against a cabinet tucked under the desk I sniffed and pulled my knees up. Am I having a nervous breakdown? There's no time for the gay secretary to freak out. Crying again but no sound except the soft puffs of wheezy breath I choke out. God I hope Betty doesn't come in any time soon. I'm so scared and racked with anxiety I don't know what to do with myself... This is so embarassing... If anyone found me...
Little feet scurry in and before I can emerge Betty is throwing herself under the desk and curling up her legs tightly.
"Uh... Betty?"
"AH!" Smack smack. "Fuck god! Damn!" Smack. "Shit! What the hell are you doing under here."
"Crying what does it look like?!"
"What? What's wrong?" Betty was wonderful. She was that rare boss that cared without making you uncomfortable... Small talk with substance... and able to make even the most daffy of clients managable yobs.
"Hoy! How long have you been under here!"
"Oh... just for a bit. See I like your office walls. They look like lemmon loaf and..." And I started crying again and just flopped over onto her shoulder and tried to stem a snotty nose with a soaking tissue.
"Shh shh... No seriously... Shhh..."
Hiccuping between words... "Wh... wha... what? What's wrong?"
"Becky... We're on our lunch break and I need to hide."
Outside the office door a plaintiff little voice called out. "Betty? Betty? Are you out there? I want to go out for lunch! I can't sit still... please come out with me... "
The voice passed.
"That's a little mean..."
"Oh sure, fine. You go out there and deal with the Pregnant Wonder."
Again the voice floated past the office. "Guyyyyyys? hello? I want to go out for taco bell... guys?"
"She sounds a little off..."
"Apparently her husband won't have sex with her now. Afraid that it'll give the baby brain damage or something."
"That's bullshit. Did you know that sex before the due date is even benificial with softening up the..."
"La la la la la la...had my kids with the help of powerful pain medications la la la...."
"Fine." I honked into my nearly disintigrated hanky.
"Well what's up with you and supplimental question, why are you under my desk sobbing?"
"I can't do this.. I can't go home to my dad's sister's place..."
"it's just for the weekend. You'll be fine. Just calm down... shh shh..."
Becky called out again in a more pained and tearful voice. Are we all falling apart?
"We should say something."
"No... it's just what she wants us to think."
A snarly voice called out from what sounded like the middle of the office in a terrifying scream. "WHERE IS EVERYONE?!"
I jolted and clutched at Betty's arm. "Betty I'm scared..."
"I know, I know. I am too. Now, let's talk about what's wr..." Betty's office chair was ripped away and Ilsa blindly dove down under the desk and bowled us over. She almost screamed but Betty clamped a tight little hand down over her open lips. "Be cool... Be cool..."
"Vas... Vas... Vas ist...Vhat are you all doing under here? This is my hiding spot!"
"It's MY fucking desk!"
"Language!"
"Ilsa, you called Bob a shitmeat sandwhich today I don't need a lecture on potty mouth."
"Potty what? Oh god I vill never understand all these phrases..."
"Shh! The both of you..." Again the voice floated past.
Ilsa whispered a terse, "Be still..." And again she was gone.
"Vas is you doing under here?"
"The walls remind me of lemmon loaf and..."
"Betty! I can't take this Becky must have this baby soon. If I have to hold her hair back while she pukes into toilet... Agh!"
"Oh, wah wah. I had to help her get off the toilet TWICE this week. And the one time she messaged my Blackberry on my day off to get me into the office to come help her."
"Yeah Betty wins."
"Choo! You could be more helpful Nathan."
"ME? You're serious? She kills anything with a penis within a 10 metre radius. I'm not rolling up my sleeves to go into the bathroom to wipe her ass."
Ilsa checked out my puffy eyes intently. "Vas is wrong with you? Were you under here crying Nathan?"
"No..." I squeaked it out in a really unconvincing way.
"I used to hide under the big piano in my parents livingroom before they'd send me back to boarding school." Ilsa and I both turned to look at Betty.
"Yoo didn't like it so much huh?"
She looked forward with a sad smile on her face. "I would be silent for a week before school started again. I thought if I didn't make a noise they wouldn't notice me... that they'd forget to pack my bag and I'd be left here."
"Ya, vell I couldn't wait until my parents sent me to school. I didn't even know them... they were just people who paid for school bills."
"I went to public school and got the shit kicked out of me every day until I brought a pipe to school and beat a boy with it until he was unconscious."
"Holy shit... see? This is vhy I don't send kids to public school."
"OH PLEASE like private schools are any better. Rich kids? Too much money? Too much animosity? Ilsa, are you saying you were the model student?"
"Still, ist better than public schools for sure."
Betty was still looking forward and I still had my arm looped around hers. Tight squeeze and she rested her head on my shoulder. This was an HR nightmare all folded up under a desk.
"Why have children if you're going to send them away? Like they're some sort of inconvienence? I would cry and cry before I had to leave. No matter what they still gave me a swat and put me back on the train to school at the end of summer holiday."
Wow. I guess rich people can be fucked up too. Oh great now Betty's sad. Ilsa chewed on a nonexistant finger nail quietly. There we sat for a good 20 minutes in silence. It was good to just shut the hell up and stay under there. The phone rang above our heads until Betty yanked the cord out of the jack. Small sigh of pleasure.
"What time are we supposed to go back to the meeting?"
"In a couple of minutes."
"I vonder of old shitmeat's going to talk some more..."
"Ilsa, please... be professional."
"Meester Shitmeat."
"Better."
"Maybe we should stagger out exit. People get fired around here for less."
Both of them wiped at their eyes. Great. My misery is contagious.
Ilsa left first and knocked on the doorframe to alert Betty to leave next... Then me. knock knock nothing. Betty knocked harder. "Nate, let's go. If you're going to cry under my desk all day maybe you should take the afternoon off."
Still under the desk. "You need me to go shopping for Abby's birthday don't you?"
"I don't know what to get her!" Sigh and highheel shoe tapping. "I'll give you my debit card and you can get a coffee."
"Oh wow. Shopping for your first born child and I get a COFFEE!"
"Ahem!"
"Can I get a piece of pie?"
"One piece of pie."
"Can I get a puppy?"
"No puppy."
"Deal... Deal... Can I have like another minute under here?"
"Yes... and, come talk to me if, you know, you need to ok?"
"Got it."
"Try not to let anyone see you."
Sniff. "I know I know."
"Thanks... Call me after 4 and I'll come get you. And Nate,"
"Yes I know. If HR finds out squeal on everyone but each other."
"Atta boy."
"Thanks Betty."

"newbie! only when spoken to!!"

"Hey... HEY! I can see your eyes moving. You're awake. Get the fuck out of my chair. Oh fuck you cat..." I scooped a hand under warm kitten butt and proceeded to stoop and swoop his marmalade ass out of my chair. He obliged on the second jostle and scoop attempt and left me a gauzy mat of fur where he had ground it into the fabric.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaagh!!"
"What?"
"This! THIS!" I swept down to pick Shir up and hold him like a dangling lardball.
"I can't take the fur and the looks and he sits in my chair when I SPECIFICALLY tell him no." I raised my voice and yelled into the back of his head. His ears flipped down and I could hear a terse little piggy inhale.
"It's your fucking cat what's the issue?"
"You know I wanted a dog instead. He's just fucking with me. Did I tell you he tried to kill me last week?? Don't walk away from me!"
Too late he was up the stairs and I was left with a tubby stuffed animal.
"Mrow?"
"Okay fuck you. You win. I'm watching you...."

Monday, December 18, 2006

clap hands

my eyes hurt from rolling them all morning.
"Oh HOW did I let you go? How did I let YOU walk away?"
"Goooooooooooooooo fuck yourself, Morton. And what kind of fucking name is Norton?"
"Don't even... you're going right for that? That's it? That's all? At last there is nothing new to say?"
"You got it." My lips flapped into the thick tumbler. more scotch... more scotch. the ice was melting and making it all so much more tasty.
"So... right back to the original question: Why did it all go so wrong?"
"You left me to get married to a woman."
"Wow, I'm a little stunned here. I don't normally hear that last part without 'you piece of shit' after it. I... I don't know what to do without your tourretts. It throws the whole YOU thing off."
Ow christ my eyeballs hurt from all the snide rolling. Finger pushing through water puddles on the table.
"I can't even get mad anymore Norton. You're just the same ball of screaming attention-seeking behaviour. I'm pretty sure you take me out to lunch just shove some painful facts down my throat."
"That and let's get real, do you know how hard it is to get anyone to eat sushi with me? Plus..." He leaned in. "Plus it get's me kinda hard to sit and the table..." He was making a scene of clutching at his balls. He bit the edge of his hand and looked at me in that wholly fake fuck-me face he contstantly inflicted on me for free sex.
"Mm... Sitting at a table with a big big man from tv... oh!" The waiter passed by and he snapped to attention. "Francis! Could I get another glass of wine? Thanks..."
"As you were sir... I won't stop you if you want to jerk me off verbally."
"I lost my train of thought... Do you think the waiter's gay?"
"Do I think that maybe you're a monster who's married and still trying to play grabass with twinky boys?"
"You're judgemental... I always hated that about you."
"I think we've known each other for hundreds of lifetimes... and in every one of them you pissed me off."
"We're consistent if anything?"
"Don't you have anything else to say?"
"I'm just giving you what you want to hear."
"No... no you're right. Why disappoint me when you care so much."
"FINALLY, you said something rational."
I have to think of a way to stiff him with the bill before he tries to take off on me... he bought way too much wine to attempt to pay on his own. i'm fucked...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Terry, you're so awesome...



horrible holiday dispair mix of FUN! puppies not included.

no seriously, i didn't use the word fun.

fingerbib - aphex twin
life on mars - david bowie
like a child - junior boys
honest mistake - the bravery
our hell - emily haines and the soft skeleton
xtal - aphex twin
play dead - calla
black history month (josh homme remix) - death from above 1979
firesuite - doves
powder blue - elbow
the new - interpol
one by one - billy bragg & wilco
misread - kings of convenience
silent seven - controller.controller
the way i feel inside - zombies
needle in the hay - elliot smith

YES I'm AWARE that I'm scamming songs from Wes Anderson movies.
Actually if you knew that already... [ron burgundy voice] i'm not mad, i'm impressed!



oh baxter... you are my little gentleman... and i will take you to foggy london town...

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

fic-tion

my only job over the holidays was not killing myself. it was a small little personal goal but i felt it was more heartfelt than a new years resolution. i sniffled through wes anderson movies chewing on sour candies and rolling hundreds of cigarettes a day by hand. it was hard having the entire apartment to myself. i moped around in dark rooms and drawn curtains, double-thick from the sheets I hung behind them. left to my own devices i could entertain myself. left on my own for 2 weeks in december was never a good idea. long banned from family functions i managed to enjoy a robust 10 years of skimming through Christmas on booze and random vacations out of province with other holiday orphans.

this year i was left on my own, more so because i had lost my vacation money in a card game. Felix had spent all night packing for his 6am flight and i sat cross-legged on his bed.

"Are you going to sit around and drink the whole time I'm gone?"
"No no, some of the camera guys and I are going to see that screening of Grey Gardens tomorrow."
"Well that leaves..." He dove into a sock drawer looking for his passport. Found it.
"That leaves you 13 more days."
"I'm fine. Stop trying to suss out of me if I'm having a party."
"I called the LCBO, they don't have any pre-orders to ship here."
"Nice one, can you detect my disgust inspector clouseau?"
"Oh you ruined so many things with the last one..."
"It's not really my fault that YOUR friend Anton threw up blood after all those keg stands."
"You know he's a diabetic!"
"I'm not a fucking doctor... listen, he's fine and what's a little bit of time shaved off our time on this earth?"
Felix whipped a handful of bundled socks at me. "STOP STOP STOP with all this death talk! I'm sick of it!"
"Woah! Ok ok, I'll never die. There." I smooched Dexter's smooth little boston terrier head. "I won't die." kiss. "And Dexter won't die." kiss. "And Felix won't die from hepititis on his vacation to a borderline third world country to exploit the locals who cry when you give them toothpaste..."
"Hardly my fault that you blew your money. You could have come with me."
"No thanks, I have some lingering freckles I want to measure to make sure they don't turn into moles."
Sigh.
"Look after Dexter ok?"
"Fuck, I forget to feed him the one time and you're never going let me forget it." I was scratching dog fur underneath his smart tartan collar. He burbled some noises through his snout and was almost asleep.
"Feed him two scoops of the dry food and then..."
"Slice of turkey loaf. What happened to that vegan shit recipe The Twat gave you?"
"Twat and I aren't on speaking terms." Terse pat down of clothing into a suitcase.
"Oh... Wow. you live in the same apartment and you still have no idea what's happening on the other side."
"That and the vegan food gave Dex the rankest gas in the world."
"It was like a cross between melting plastic and soggy hay."
"Ugh... well it was terrible whatever it was."
"Sorry things didn't work out."
"No you're not."
"Well he is a total twat... BUT but... I wish you well. I wish it had worked out."
"Come with me."
"What?"
"Right now. I'll pay for it... It's a double room..."
"Calm down! You're blathering."
He sat on the corner of the bed with his back to me.
"Why do we do this? I feel utterly confident that I'm over you and then I snap and ask you to come to the Cayman Islands."
"Yeah it's true, you're always trying to get back together with me."
Disgusted snort and he reclined his head back to grin at me. "Right. I'm the only one."
"So there was that one time last year. I honestly thought we could make a go of it again!"
I smiled easy and pulled a pillow over my chest. "No you need out of the apartment and away from me and the show and the cameras... Just take a break, read a book, catch up on your valium doses and jerk off. Godssakes there's a hot tub in the room."
He looked perplexed. "Why do you always tell me to jerk off?"
"I just think it would do you a world of good."
"That's your advice for everything."
"Keep packing. You just have 4 more suitcases to fill." I kicked a well sorted pile of golf shirts onto the floor. "Gay weiners wear golf shirts. You should be going shirtless with a 2 foot wide towel cinched around your waist."
"Is that what I'm supposed to wear?"
"Clearly you missed the memo."
"No one's going to recognize me? The Dominican was hell... I spent more time telling american tourists how to make poached eggs than relaxed."
"I told you, this is Josie's grandfather's tax shelter/vacation house. The only thing you have to worry about is a neighbour thinking that you're the chinese gardener."
"Still, better than 20 questions... They always ask about you anyway."
"You're my sidekick. People want to know where the super hero is."
"Ugh. Pick up my shirts."
"Make me. I'm going to get some more wine. Care for some?"
"No... And try to be good while I'm gone, Nate."

I guess good can be construed as sitting in the dark and watching stacks of dvds. I wipe under my nose when it drips as Bill Murray says, "I hate fathers and I never wanted to be one." In a sick way it was my happiest to be in the dark, but then again I was a very depressed child so moments like this didn't seem morbid in my later years. I wasn't too drunk, I wasn't too numb-lipped from dainty lines of coke. I flipped another rolling paper into my hand and rolled another cigarette. I would go out at 2am and cab to Parkdale to hand them out to all the crackheads. Look look look... all the trash and here's jesus from the reserve passing out smokes in a grim pennance for years of begging for people to give me one. Still not sure if there's life on mars....

i feel like i'm going to get fired from work

aphex twin - the songs that carried me through many many many many shifts at the porn store. 4:30PM-12:30AM on loop. i would program out windowlicker and come to daddy. windowlicker is fantastic but is a little too moany-groany to be played in a porn rental emporium. i once played come to daddy and three people left the store. i guess if you're already feeling guilty about being in there you could mistake it for satan telling you not to play with your weiner.

i compliled the cd waaaaaaaay back in university at a friends place... i recently shook him down for a bit torrent of 108 songs. naturally he had to walk me through the entire process because it wasn't the bit torrent for dummies i normally use.

Aphex Twin Ambient Mix
Fingerbib
We Are the music makers
Film
IZ-US
Pulsewidth
Ageispolis
Heliosphan
Schottkey 7th Path
Ptolemy
Delphium
Actium
Xtal
Polynomial - wasn't on the original mix, but it should have been. fuck, these songs are messed to hear.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

ancient curse

mew mew mew mew mix - just recycling the greatest hits of the last 3 cds i compiled

broken head I - south
young folks - peter bjorn and john feat. victoria bergman
hang me up to dry - cold war kids
lonely as can be - the concretes
can i please have an order of girl with a side of confused - despistado
wasted state of mind - ...and you will know us by the trail of dead
goin' out west - tom waits
blood on our hands - death from above 1979
where there's a will there's a whalebone - the islands
dark star - beck
inoculate the innocuous - the unicorns
sugar pill - ambulance ltd
hate then love - the dears
like a child - the junior boys
paper tiger - beck
he thought of cars - blur
ancient curse - peter bjorn and john
sore - wintersleep
blue sky - jason collet
heart in the hand of the mat - ...and you will know us by the trail of dead
all in for nothing - south

Friday, December 8, 2006

"that's what shattered my heart to bits..." the dears

"It's June... and you know what that means...."
looking straight into the camera and Paul looking back with eye pinched shut and hands steering the lense to focus on me.
"Daddy is GONE!" I'm so high... I'm so fucking high that I wonder if the producer is going to cut the cameras. I think they're going to let me go today.... Just let me do my thing.
A saucy spin around and I'm moving to the sound of music I can only hear. Doo doo doo... grab a spatula... doo doo doo... time to whisk batter around in a silver dish. I was making chili and pigs in a blanket. All of them way too hot, all of them totally off the pre-ordained menu Felix left me before vacation.
Lick lick a few fingers. Wow that's hot chili. The camera crew's going to be pissing through the eye of a needle after this tonight.
"daddy is gone so we're going to make everything that's fattening and horrible." I looked up and the producer was shaking her head. Ok. Ok. Reel it in.
I went back to the plan and fussed over the ingrediants. Simple chili and then deluxe white trash pigs in a blanket. Only I called them Pugs in the Rug twice for some reason. Gabby was holding her clipboard out trying to figure out if she should cut and was whispering into her headset. Camera one was cracking up and giving me the thumbs up. That's all I need.
I was tripping over my words but still making a go of it. Why aren't they stopping me? Why is the wisk looking floppy in my hand? I'm tripping... shit...
"The key here is to make sure you're dumping in the spices as you're frying the onions... it's just going to be better all round, you dig? Gabby... GABBY! Come here and try this!"
She clopped into the scene to lean over my tasting spoon. "Oh... Oh! This is good!"
"You sound SO suprised..."
"I mean.. it's good, but I didn't think it was going to be that good."
It's true. Felix was the actual cook and I was the filler. Left on his own he froze infront of the camera and looked handsome but stilted. Most shows we did together spiralled out of control into us fighting and screaming at each other for issues better left outside the show, but apparently that's why people watched. I couldn't be bothered to worry if ratings tanked when it was just me doing the show, hence dropping a little e an hour before I told them to turn the cameras on.
How awesome is it to open the door and work comes to you? Felix and I had a joint apartment downtown that we had foolishly bought after we got married. er, "married" 5... 6... 7? Seven years ago. Our previous public access studio was shutting down and taking the lovely kitchen with it, leaving us in the lurch. Felix didn't want to turn back to his father's restaurant to cook and I didn't want to go back to my dreadful secretary job licking envelopes and booking catering. Pooling money together we bought into a new block of lofts in an old shoe factory. Right. Down. The. Middle. Against all better judgement we took the plunge to live together has the right proper gay odd couple. After a few years of my recidivist drug dealing and him with his untreated depression we realized that hey, maybe we shouldn't date. But we were shackled to the loft. we couldn't sell as we were adamant that we'd get the place to ourselves... It unravelled into I Love Lucy where we designated portions of the apartment to decorate... Parties with people on opposite sides of the loft... christmas cards mailed to the other one... Me fucking a string of property lawyers and leaving their business cards all over the place... We had settled into a silent standoff waiting for the other one to try and buy out the other, but so far we were rooted to the same spot.
Felix was on holidays with his newest boyfriend Rob who was a law student. Oh just a few more years and you can keep him on retainer! I ran with the big dogs and loved to tote around older gentlemen who would rip any contract to shreds in my favour. But there's no need to posture now. I was rambling about a the first time I got Felix to wax his lower back and camera two was locking it in place to go have a coughing fit induced from laughter.
"So he asked me if it was going to hurt and I was all like," Sizzle of meat hitting the pan. "Sure baby, it's not bad at all... Well ANYWAYS, let's get back to the chili... GABBY! COME TRY IT NOW!!" Felix is going to fucking kill me when he sees this next week...

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Welcome to Orillia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp_zyuo0W2o


teenage mommies and redneck dummies... wow... it's all covered here. i went to public/high school with these guys. glad that Orillia alumni can output some creativity.

the rom








cat's a whore montage





















Saturday, December 2, 2006

der bloggen











well no one likes myspace since you need a log on... and other misc. wimpy-whinings over how it's not cool etc. anyways, it would be nice to post pictures etc where people can access.
i might as well just x-fer stuff from myspace.. meow meow meow. dates are out of order... blah blah blah.