listening to: "yellow house" by grizzly bear

am i upset because no one gives a shit about what's happening with me, or is it more that i'm horrified how much i feel like i need people to care? i shouldn't help people under the hidden agreement that they have to help me some day down the line... i definitely shouldn't feel as adrift as i do with a whole lotta change coming up. but it does feel like some sort of retarded grieving process.

it's not even worth trying to plot it all out with elaborate metaphors or general statements that aren't deep down dirty suffering. just whining. all that stupid shit that we all feel, all the time... and anyone who doesn't feel it is either drugged up, in denial or has the money for good therapy. i'm definitely unloveable... not in the, oh! oh god, please tell me i'm not kind of way. i make it my mission in life to grant myself distance between people, but i guess some people just affect me deeply... a lasting little scar that i dwell on. it'll all pass, but i wish i had someone with me to pass the time with.