100 posts and mike still can't be bothered to read my blog

i was sitting up on the bathroom counter with the sides of my boxers hiked up to my hips and my face turned away. Maggie doused gauze with rubbing alcohol to rub down the tops of my legs. a spasm of pain twisted up in a little tip of pleasure. she cleaned everything down to a wet shine before chucking out the not-so-white square. it was soaked through with dark red and chocolaty grits from my miserable cuts.
"Enough, right?"
"Enough."
"Enough, why?"
"Enough because I'm retarded."
"that's right." She shook a brown glass bottle filled with tea tree, ceadar and lavender oil. It packed a heavy scent and my tongue involuntarily jutted out as i gagged.
"Reminds you of the hospital doesn't it? It's like the cleaner they'd put down when they were taking off blood. How strange that a chemical in a bottle smells like this. Well. You might as well get familiar with the scent again. Put this on three times a day. If it stinks, tough shit That's what you get."
My hand went up to protest for a moment and she shot me a look. Slowly I pulled my hand down. She doused the tops of my thighs in the oil and began rubbing it in brisk circles.
"I don't CARE if you say you were drunk. You made a mess... and you said you were over this shit."
"Relapse."
Her hand went up to waggle a finger at me when I blurted out, "So have you quit smoking yet?"
Hand goes down slowly. "Asshole."
"Look... It's a low blow. I just want you to see that... it can happen again I just don't want to make a huge deal out of this."
"This can't be the safety valve anymore. Like, it works. I know it works."
Under her jeans were fixed rows of lines that she had etched out with knives and hot lighters. Her anger was focused on enticing me to stop... probably more of a kick in the box for her to think about how easy it would be to lapse. lapse. listen to me. it's not fucking heroin.
I pulled my shorts back down and hopped into the open leg holes of my jeans.
"Josie's mad as hell at you. She won't stop calling my cell phone. I had to turn it off while I was in here."
"I know... I should appologize."
"Really? I think she should say sorry... All she can talk about is how you never hang out with her anymore and that stupid c-u-next-tuesday ex girlfriend of hers. It's not like she's tried to be there for you."
"You should word it exactly like that to her next time she calls."
"I'm not a fucking idiot. She'd rip my face off with her teeth if i said that to her."
"So? What now?"
"Give it a couple more days and I'm sure she'll just start throwing rocks into the windows."
I groaned and tightened up my belt.
"Nate, call her tonight. Ask her out for a coffee... No drinking, no drugs. If she can't get together without those things involved then just stay away."
"you sound like a probation officer."
"Only you would know what they sound like."
"Hey! He was a youth services worker!"
"Kiddie probation officer?"
"y... yeah. Yeah pretty much."
"I gotta get ready for class tonight. Fucking first year kids...."
"Teacher of the year."
"It's not my fault I like them when they've been weeded out in second year. admit it, undergrad turds only get better with age. shit, that's not saying much."
Maggie leaned in quickly to throw an arm around me and smooch the side of my head.
"You're the faggy little brother I always wanted."
"Aw, well you're the faggy older brother I always wanted... It was meant to be."
"Love you dollface. Call Josie!"
"Right right."