story tyme

hospitals... that smell... the crinkly sound the beds make... no doubt covered in some piss-proof cover. i squirmed a little thinking about the generations that sat in this bed before me and potentially tried out the pee covers.

huh, i have a blanket like this. i think i stole it from a hotel. facinating. my bed won't adjust either. i think the remote is a dummy to keep people occupied. same with the nurse page button. not like i actually WANT to see some moo cow waddle in here to give me some attitude. like it's my fault they're 250 pounds and have to huff and puff all day...

little chills... the back of the gown leaves a v-shaped swath of open skin. i wonder if i'll be in here long enough for them to feed me?

"GOOD GOD what the hell are you doing in here?"
"Good to see you Josie... can you give me a ride home?"
"Ride home? Ride HOME?! You're locked up here until the doctorssay you can leave."
"This is one of those understandings, see..."
"You cut yourself until you passed out. That's what they call a suicide attempt."
"No no... see... i was just cutting myself. the end goal wasn't to actually kill myself!"
"Sure sure Ophelia. You explain that to a doctor. Actually, haven't you talked to one yet?"
"I just woke up. I was in my room and then... bam. here."
"They must have drugged you."
"Well that's cool... But seriously, it's time for me to go."
"Turd, you've been in here for 2 days!"
"WHAT?!"
"I've been calling your cell for 2 days and finally Felix picked up and told me you were in here."
"Holy... shit? What the hell... How did I loose 2 days?"
"Felix said you kicked up a stink in emerg they must have pumped you up something good if you're just coming to now."
"YEAH. You did kick up a stink... Asshole." Cute, tall, and messy hair in wrinkled scubs. what a wonderful guest to come see me. At least I know what hospital I'm in.
"Yo! Dude! Long time no see!" I had managed to nail a doctor a year back. Sweet guy, just that he wasn't around enough to try and make a go of it.
"Nate... Why did you try and kill yourself?"
"I didn't! I was just cutting myself, like I said, and then I woke up here! Hasn't ANYONE around here heard of this "PHENOMENON"? Shit... it's stress relief and a whole other ball of emotional stuff... blah blah cutting back on drinking... blah blah other outlet. Just, the point is that I don't need to be in here. I'm so glad i'm all stiched up, but please... i'm not trying to die."
Chas hugged a clipboard to his chest. "You're telling me you cut yourself until you passed out? That's a pretty grey zone of self distruction."
"Maybe it was from the perkaset?"
"Agh! I can't stand you... Just... Just... I'm going to sign you out ONLY if you agree to be referred to a therapist. There's a better way to get your shit together than slicing yourself up."
"It's cheaper than therapy!"
Chas strode over to me and pushed Josie out of the way. He grabbed my hand and ripped down a heavily taped section of bandages. If I wasn't such a masochist I would have been upset.
"I'd rather have a spanking, personally.... Wow... That is a mess. I really went to town on myself. How the hell am I going to have this all covered up before I have to shoot next week?!"
"You should be glad that you didn't just die on your bedroom floor!"
"Who found me?"
"Your little roomate."
"Where is he?"
Josie was keying into her Blackberry. "He's out in the hall curled up in a ball. You know he gets all snakey in hospitals."
"CHICKEN SHIT!"
Faint voice outside of my room. "Sh... sh... shut up!" His stutter only came out when he was upset or when he was drunk. Both ideal times to exploit this fact until he was sputtering and shaking from rage. He peeked around the corner and I waved at him. Unfortuneately it was the arm that Chas had ripped the bandage off of. He yelped and pulled back.
"Oops... Little help here?"
Chas patted the tape back down and put down a fresh piece for luck.
"Shouldn't a nurse be doing that Chas?"
"They wont come in because you kept flailing around."
"I don't remember any of this. Can you pass on my apologies and order in some lunch for everyone?"
"Oh... ugh... you're still the same slick talker I see."
"Tell them I'm a sweetie. It was just the tranquilizers. Speaking of which, could I get some for the road?"
"Sit down and tell your little friend to stop using that thing in here. it's a hospital for godssakes."
"Order in italian ok? I want those nurses full and happy!"
"You're seeing that therapist Nate. Even if I have to drive you every time."
"Why don't we just double-book the appointments. You know, you talk and cry a little and then I do it." He was shaking his head and staring. "Come on, I'm being funny. Thanks Chas... Call me later."
"OK doll... I mean Nate.... Later." He walked out into the hall and turned to his left and looked down. "Get in there! The janitors are pissed off having to mop around you all day!"
"Josie... Help me get some fucking pants on. I need to get out of here and have a burn."
She was still keying in a text message. "Doc says you'll faint. Lost too much blood or something something."
"did they say anything about drinking?"
"Hmm? No I didn't hear anything about drinking."
"Alrighty! Let's get a move on and have a drink. I think a caesar would be a good fit. Lots of vitamins in the clamato juice or something..."
"Yeah yeah whatever. Let's go."