clap hands

my eyes hurt from rolling them all morning.
"Oh HOW did I let you go? How did I let YOU walk away?"
"Goooooooooooooooo fuck yourself, Morton. And what kind of fucking name is Norton?"
"Don't even... you're going right for that? That's it? That's all? At last there is nothing new to say?"
"You got it." My lips flapped into the thick tumbler. more scotch... more scotch. the ice was melting and making it all so much more tasty.
"So... right back to the original question: Why did it all go so wrong?"
"You left me to get married to a woman."
"Wow, I'm a little stunned here. I don't normally hear that last part without 'you piece of shit' after it. I... I don't know what to do without your tourretts. It throws the whole YOU thing off."
Ow christ my eyeballs hurt from all the snide rolling. Finger pushing through water puddles on the table.
"I can't even get mad anymore Norton. You're just the same ball of screaming attention-seeking behaviour. I'm pretty sure you take me out to lunch just shove some painful facts down my throat."
"That and let's get real, do you know how hard it is to get anyone to eat sushi with me? Plus..." He leaned in. "Plus it get's me kinda hard to sit and the table..." He was making a scene of clutching at his balls. He bit the edge of his hand and looked at me in that wholly fake fuck-me face he contstantly inflicted on me for free sex.
"Mm... Sitting at a table with a big big man from tv... oh!" The waiter passed by and he snapped to attention. "Francis! Could I get another glass of wine? Thanks..."
"As you were sir... I won't stop you if you want to jerk me off verbally."
"I lost my train of thought... Do you think the waiter's gay?"
"Do I think that maybe you're a monster who's married and still trying to play grabass with twinky boys?"
"You're judgemental... I always hated that about you."
"I think we've known each other for hundreds of lifetimes... and in every one of them you pissed me off."
"We're consistent if anything?"
"Don't you have anything else to say?"
"I'm just giving you what you want to hear."
"No... no you're right. Why disappoint me when you care so much."
"FINALLY, you said something rational."
I have to think of a way to stiff him with the bill before he tries to take off on me... he bought way too much wine to attempt to pay on his own. i'm fucked...