fiction - wedding reception

"well, we're late. i hope you're happy. now we're only going to get another 15 minutes before they close the open bar."
"HEY! You know what?! You're fucking LUCKY that I filled in for this shit-show as a favour so let's not loose sight of the facts."
Deflated I made a direct path to the bar and tried to hustle up some caesars and shots of whiskey. Josie loomed behind me looking ticked off, hardly looking at me as she reached over my shoulder to get the shot glass.
"Whata shit-show... We're here for dinner and then we're OUT."
I was too wound up to try to soothe her and burried my face into the chill of the caesar. slow down, you're old and you'll get heartburn.
i almost lost it. almost. i heaved forward and caught it before it got out. i'm not loosing it before getting more free drinks into me.
"Give me two more whiskeys before the bar closes please."
The bartender slapped them out and I chucked them back before Josie could grab them. I took in a deep breath and straightened up. The general din of a full restaurant was dulled down by panes of glass. I could see everyone in there in fuzzy lines... I could hear the bride trying to yell at her grandmother who was too deaf to make things out over the din of the room.
I pulled open the door and avoided eye contact with anyone. no more than 100 people, but the dining area was packed. every seat looked taken. what the fuck?
"Hey, can I help you find your seat?"
"Uh, yeah. it doesn't look like there's anything left."
"Oh..." The waiter looked embarassed. "You must be around the other side."
"Other... side?" We trotted after him as he strode away from the bride and groom and around a corner obscured with a flowing plant. We took a turn for the obscure so it seemed as there was 3 more tables of people tucked around the bend. I looked over my shoulder and saw that we could spy the main table if you stood up and leaned right to avoid the plant.
"What the hell is this?! Are we at the fucking kids table?"
The island of misfit wedding guests. Oh my god, we're in the remedial section.
The waiter turned heel before we could protest and 4 people turned to look at us. Josie was nipping sharply on her nails in a clicky-clack pattern abd I could tell she was just raging.
Courage. Oh god...
My first instinct was to turn around and leave to get chinese food, eat alone in my boxer shorts and maybe have a little cry with some wine n' perkaset. one step forward. There was two seats left. in what was essentially the furthest corner of the restaurant. The end seat was undoubtedly reserved for me.
Josie strode over to the table and picked up the place cards.
"Oh yeah... we're right here. Fucking lovely."
Our dinner partners seemed to be aware of the lowly stature of our table too. A cutesy butch woman sighed. "Welcome to the leper colony. Did you fuck the bride or groom?"
"Bride."
"Oh... yeah?"
"It was university, I went through a straight-curious phase." I went to sit down. Thank god I took that valium before I left the house today or I would have just lost it by now.
The woman smiled again. I was too well trained by my mother to put on the game face instead of letting it leak that I was upset.
"Hey... I'm Nate, this is Josie."
"I'm Meg and this is Frank."
Frank turned away from an animated conversation with his neighbour to adress us.
"Hi! Hannah said something that you're roomates with Anthony Luk?"
"Yeah he was supposed to come with me but had to cancel at the last min.."
"Oh MY god. I dated his sister for EVER. What's Anthony doing now? What's Sarah doing? Have you met Sarah? She was such a cool chick."
Fantastic. Blabbermouth. Thanks for bailing on this Anthony.
"Sarah's good... she's in school out west and... "
"What?! I never thought she'd go back! Good for her... So... You're Nate?"
"I feel as though there's some looming preconception of who I am..."
"Hannah told me about you after you two, you know, broke things off."
Josie scoffed and thumbed out a text message on her phone.
"That's a really nice way of putting it."
"Oh you're telling me? Hannah has a way of leaving a lot of people in her wake."
Meg raised a glass of water. "To the bride traumatizing men!"
I was feeling the flush of the drinks I chucked back. "To Hannah!"
Even Josie cracked a wee grin and we settled back into distracted silence.
Dinner started to roll out. Oh hot damn! they skipped any speeches speeches and went directly to feeding our faces.
"Red or white?"
I had a mouthful of bread when a skinny little waitress came up to the table. In one hand a huge bottle of red and the other white. Both Australian and terribly expensive.
"It's free wine during dinner!"
"We'll take both thanks."
"Come on you have to let me pour them at least."
Meg flickered a clean $50 in between her fingers. "I have $50 here that says leave the bottle here all night and keep them coming. We all promise not to ask for any stupid shit. Right?"
A collective agreement and she put the bottles down on the table.
"Deal... enjoy!"
We turned to the actual meal. What a delight to drop soft pieces of steak into my mouth and pool mouthfuls of sharp red wine in with it.
Meg turned to me and set down her fork. She leaned on one elbow still gripping her steak knife.
"This wedding is a trip... All the family members are so churchy and oblivious. I've never been called sir so many times in my life."
Her wedding date was chomping on some salad and said, "It's because you didn't wax your moustache."
"Hey, back off history boy. It makes me look dignified." She stroked the invisible moustache and flicked a finger at me. "You know what I'm talking about."
I was feeling a bit better and better. Everyone was so helpful and kept filling up my glass for me as soon as it verged on empty.
Josie was deep in conversation with two girls at the end of the table and was letting her dinner go cold trying to chat them up and enthrall them with her tales of money making on stocks. I stabbed a fork into a few of his baby potatos and stuff them into my mouth. they would be engulfed in the deep pool of wine in my gut soon enough.
Eventually Josie stood up to scooch her chair over to hold court with them and I was left to focus on Meg and Frank who bickered terribly but clearly were dear dear friends. that sort of one-liner action that you can only develop through years of knowing each other.
"So where did you two meet?"
"We go to U of T together... I lost a bet so I had to be Frank's wedding date."
Frank grinned with a mouthful of food. "She said I couldn't eat an entire pull off two composition pieces in two nights. Suckah!"
"Music eh?"
"Yeah yeah... I'm in vocal and Frank's in composition. I swear he's sleeping with the fucking professor to have passed..."
"Please! I'm not some unstoppable fucking machine!"
"DID YOU SLEEP WITH THAT PROFESSOR?"
"Well not until the summer term..."
"Jesus! God how I hate you..."
"Vocal? That's a pretty small program at the school..."
"I know... even more horrifying that they took ME as a student."
"I totally think they let you in thinking you were a gay guy."
"Mmhmm... I think they should really bring back the whole castriati thing."
Josie returned to the spot beside me. "Who's getting their balls cut off now?"
"Meg is."
We had a laugh and I noticed that the girls at the end of the table were snickering along with us.
More wine was set down on the table. Skinny girl was shaking her head. "Hardly any of the tables are drinking... Someone actually sent back their steak to be cooked longer than well done. It's whitetrash in the big city out there."
Shit... I had totally forgotten about the world around the corner. At least for a little bit.
"Seriously though, are you studying a specific area of vocal?"
She swished wine around in her glass. "I'm attempting to be the manliest woman to try and do male opera roles."
"That, my dear, is a fantastic idea. Now if you forgive me, I must make a bathroom run."
Josie was enrapt talking to Frank about how to diversify his investments as I left. I went to forage for the bathroom and tried to maintain composure and not stagger... not too much at least.
I saw Hannah and her husband making the rounds at all of the tables. They were a long way away from ours so I had nothing to fear about missing out on too much. I spied the door to the washroom and felt a small bump up behind me.
"It's just me..." Frank was directly behind me and he hustled me through the doorway. I made brief eye contact with Hannah and laughed out loud when Frank grabbed my hips and hurried me along down the hall. This felt a bit more urgent than boy talk in the bathroom. We chugged into the bathroom and directly into a stall. He casually prodded me to lean against a wall and pulled on my tie a little.
"Hannah said that you'd been gay until you were with her?"
"Correction, always was gay. She just confirmed all doubts and suspicions."
"So... You only date men mostly?"
Oh I know where this is going. A snog won't hurt anyone will it? I pulled him in for a quick kiss, only vaugly aware of heels clicking down the hall to the bathroom.
"Nate? Franics? Are you in here?"
Busted. There was only one stall door closed.
"Uh... yes?" Like a well-timed delivery we said it at the same time. Damn it.
"Are... you... Um, I just wanted to say thank you for the lovely gifts."
Frank was rummaging around below the belt, making it hard to maintain a normal train of thought.
"Oh... GOOD... good I'm glad you liked it." I couldn't even remember what it was. I bought it the day that the invitation arrived in the mail. God I hope it wasn't something backhanded and bitter.
"Ok, well... I'll let you get back... to... it... I guess? Come to the table and meet Jack will you?"
"SURE..." I swatted away a very persistant hand. "I mean, sure thing Hannah."
She turned heel to leave and I charged at Frank to thump him up against the opposite wall.
Oh god knows how long we were in there. People clearly came in and out, but I don't think we were too obvious. Well, other than the two sets of mens dress shoes clearly in the stall. No matter! I was becoming less and less fixated on my first and last female relationship and more on how I was going to keep my pants up for the remainder of the wedding.
"Muhhf... Muh... Ok ok... We should get back before we come out with godamn boners."
"oh my GOD!"
Damn it! Someone had come into the stall beside us. Forgot that part. Frank laughed and pulled me out of the stall to run out before our guest could identify us. Being classy, we had staggered exits out of the door but we still looked guilty as fuck.
We made it back to the table where Meg was chatting away with Josie.
"Odjajhi reserve huh?"
"Woah! No one fucking knows that place."
"Oh sweetie I know it well. I used to work on the youth choir council with..."
"Mr. Robertson?!"
"Ha! The very same."
"Jesus... that's a long time ago. I used to date a boy in highschool who trained with Mr. Robertson's quote/end quote wife."
"Huang! No!"
"Yes, Mrs Huang... Queen of the 4 hour long rehersal.... and the emotional duress of extended teaching lessons. I know it well. I spent many a morning sleeping on the steps of her basement while Dallas had clarinet lessons."
"Quite the lady, I know. How do you think I felt? I would have dinner with Mr. Robertson and her when I was in town for workshops or for performances with Mr. Roberston's chamber choir group."
"Huang! Shit, I haven't heard that in a long time. From a statistical point of view, Dallas would cry every third lesson. This is the fucking guy who survived seeing a parent be murdered, lived through foster homes and pretty much could stand up to anyone... crying, like a lost calf when she told him his staccato was uninspired."
"tut tut, poor soul..."
"you're telling me. How is a 17 year old supposed to get any action when your boyfriend is sobbing over messing up a music piece that he was a teensy bit slow on the third page? Tell me that!" Frank's foot was reaching over to my leg, lightly, but still a bit thrilling.
"Indeed, it would be hard to manage."
Frank stared at me directly but threw a proposition out there. "Meg! you should sing something! Come on, I feel bad that we only got them a $45 gift certificate for the bookstore."
"So you don't feel bad about whoring me out to a restaurant full of people after I get shitfaced and I would sound like hell?"
He nodded in agreement. "What aren't you getting here?"
"What on EARTH would I do for this crowd? Have you noticed that we're on our fifth bottle of cabernet because everyone out in the general population is holding out to see if they'll open up a bottle of zinfindel?!"
It popped out of my mouth before I could stop myself. "Vecchia Zimarra from La Boheme."
Silence. Frank gaped at me. "That's perfect. Begging for money to look after someone who's dying? I LIKE IT! No one will fucking know what you're saying if it's in Italian. Do it Meg!"
"Wouldn't you think that it's a bit gauche to sing about death and misery on someone's wedding day?"
"Yes it would be gauche if anyone in here was at a level above amoebic white trash. Let's do this!"
Hannah was finally making her way over to the banished tables. "Hi everyone! Thanks for coming today. My god you must all be having fun. We can hear you all laughing and carrying on in the back."
I gulped back a mouthful of wine. "We'll be quiet in a minute, I promise. Meg wanted to know if you'd be ok with her singing an opera piece... Our gift to your new love." We all raised a glass and smirked at the pouting groom. Yes buddy, I was the fag that fucked your fiance when you were on a "break".
"I would love for you to sing something... Come out to the front... All of you!"
Meg looked behind her shoulder with a terrified look. I winked and followed her out.
Frank bellowed to get everyone's attention. "Everyone! Please! My friend here wants to present a wedding song!"
It was lovely... It was miserable! The wrong thing to bring out for a wedding filled with hope for the future. A sad and mournful piece about begging for money and selling ones jacket. Perfection. Everyone was enrapt with confusion. Not really an opera crowd I guess.... What a backhanded wedding gift....
----------