the finer points of charlie sheen

in discussing the finer points of dating with my roommate, i worked hard to understand how the beautiful live... and also list an innumerable amount of flaws found in how said people interact in relationships.
some examples are the disparity between how i fuck anyone willing, whereas Brad only gets to rut with hot guys. i have to go through the motions of at least 3 coffee dates before i can awkwardly clutch at cock under jeans MINIMUM. Brad simply makes the call if he wants to deal with a trick in the morning or if he just wants to go home and jerk off. that sort of luxury is far beyond me.
my unrequited love interests are just that: uninterested and push me away. on the hot flip side, the gorgeous gets to fuck their focal point and THEN pine away for them when it's done. do you know how fucking LAME it is to say you've had a crush on the same guy for 5 years and get asked if you've ever slept together before? "uh no actually i just stare a lot and every couple of months have a good cry about being a loser before i ask him to come over to watch a movie." and stare. and wish i was somewhere against him and settled into a warm feeling of joy. and then i drink myself into oblivion to have an excuse to kick him out before i start sobbing.
so, you know, it's the little differences.
brad and i sat on the apartment patio sipping on coffee to do a post mortem on the weekend.... he was full of "and this guy and this guy and this guy" and i was packed to the tits with tales of doing work on my BlackBerry and approving a new account to join the site i work for. i only assumed he was riddled with jealousy and could only dream of living the high life like me. something along those lines.
we discussed the finer points of stupid boys. dealing with talent in porn gave a dizzying selection of nit wits with an occasional smart slut just to throw me off. non-pro sluts that were stupid were wide open for judgement tho.
"so how was dinner with Franco last night?"
brad thudded his head against the patio railing. we couldn't be bothered to buy chairs so wound up sitting on the cool cement for hours on end and ignoring the comfortable furniture mere feet away.
"so, i'm hearing good... yes?"
"fuck he's hot."
"anything else going on?"
"very nice cock as well. aesthetically pleasing in every way possible."
"did he talk about work?"
"i think so, i tuned out when it got boring."
"but all he talks about is being a cop and watching two and a half men."
"he does really like it...."
"a lot."
"ugh. do you know what it's like sitting around talking about the finer points of charlie sheen?"
"you gotta admit tho, he knows a lot about being a cop."
"i didn't think you tolerated police authority figures."
"normally i don't, but he's a treat to bring around when i'm hosting a party with clients."
"that blows my mind as well. you'd bring a cop around people in the porno industry willingly, wouldn't you?"
"he doesn't even notice, really."
"you're not TELLING him?!"
"no assclown, he knows that it's for work. i personally think he understands and then after 10 minutes of meeting people he forgets what the deal is. poof! clean slate. he's this untouchable slab mingling with pros and scouts and i love it. the scouts are respectful and don't try to over sell it. he called me last Sunday to ask about all the business cards he found in his wallet. hoo boy, there were some big names that's for sure."
brad coiled into himself slightly, always a wee bit jealous of any attention that might be pulled away from him. he always has the option to come with me, but Lord Fusspot refuses to stoop down to my playing field.
"yeah well... he's a nice lay. just always looking for an out in the morning so he doesn't hold me hostage with inane chatter. he IS kinda dumb."
"listen, no, i'm going to be firm on this. i don't think he's the sharpest spoon in the drawer, but he's not a COMPLETE moron."
a sonic beep shook out of my BlackBerry to alert me to a new message. i checked it and kept on Brad.
"see, you get stuck in your bubble sometimes where you think you're the smartest fag out there in the under 140 pound class. i don't think you could handle it if you... had...some...one. guhhhhhhh."
"what?"
"Franco just messaged me. he's asking if you can get mono from a rim job."
Brad tensed up to try and hold a laugh back.
"not stupid huh? you wanna take that off the table asshole?"
"LISTEN, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO HAD HIS COCK IN MY MOUTH!"
"oh. oh. shit. well played."
"i know. should i tell him to google it?"
"there's a risk that someone might reaffirm his suspicions."
"i think the collective will of the internet will prevail in this case."
"or maybe not."
"fuck it." i put my device down and fiddled with my now cold cup of coffee. "all you fucking twinkies are giving me grey hair."
"at least it's not falling out."
"or THINNING. sorry, that was out of line."
Brad stroked his hair with a concerned look.
"yeah that was a low blow."
"don't worry, i'm sure you can afford plugs."
"you think they'd look ok?"
"do you think they'd look better than you having a comb over?"
"maybe we should stop talking for a bit."
"understood."