batman - the long halloween

Brad came out to the living room in his bathrobe and made great pains to swish around as he hopped up on the arm rest. Leaning a long thin arm on the top he stretched out and let the clicks and pop of age erupt from his joints. i'm not above enjoying those sounds as it shepherded in the age of things rolling downhill. having always been fat and/or ugly i didn't get that impending sense of horror thinking about my looks slipping since... well, they never existed.
"good sleep, princess?"
"yeah... wow, is it noon?"
"try 3pm."
"WHAT?!"
"what do you expect? we didn't go to bed until 7am."
falling from the arm of the couch he flopped down with a solid thud and moaned into the pillow.
"i have to be ready for a dinner in 2 hours. oh god i don't have enough time!"
"Two hours? Two hours to get ready? you need to shower, shave, drink a protein shake and get stoned. you can do all of that in an hour. and then have an extra hour leftover to play Call of Duty with me before you catch a cab. like, this isn't hard so stop acting like you don't have options."
death stare eyes framed by his messed up hair and a leather sofa arm.
"don't give me that look child. i'm SORRY you need 4 hours to tweeze and apply The Face, but for the rest of us trolls, life does in fact move at an alarming pace."
"you should have woke me up."
"last night, no this morning, you said 'i'm going to exist on my natural rhythms and wake up when i feel like waking up'. remember that?"
"I WAS HIGH! I CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT!"
"good to know. now be quiet, daddy is reading his book and drinking coffee."
"you said..."
"hebebebebbeb! shhh."
"NO LISTEN!"
"NO, FATHER IS READING. The more talky the less time you have to powder your balls and get out the door."
"forget it, i'm not going."
"You don't have 6 hours to prep so you're not going to an important event? yeah. that makes sense."
casually turning a page as i gulped down cup number six, i let him fume in silence.
"So, ah, is this Jimi's dinner thing?"
"YES."
"So, ah, you were gonna go and accomplish what?"
"I was going to go and show him that i'm beyond all this drama."
"And you're going to show him this by laying on the couch annoying me?"
"You should have woke me up!"
"Listen, i'm your drug dealer, therapist, sous chef, brother in arms on the playstation and all-round bon ami. i'm not an alarm clock."
"Would you come with me?"
"AH NO."
"Come with me and i'll go."
"What? So it can look like i'm your sugar daddy raping you for the luxury of having a hot date and you get trinkets in exchange?"
"I don't think you'd look like my sugar daddy..."
"Just look like some old guy you forced into taking you to this gala whereupon you ditch me within a minute of spotting your old cohorts?"
"You are SO bitter and this is NOT the time."
"Mmm... speaking of time, when're you leaving? I'd really like to be able to sit in the living room naked for a while. ETA?"
"better get settled in because i'm not going."
"is this a case where since i refuse to go it becomes my fault that you didn't attend?"
"something like that."
"good to know." flip.
"you'd pass up on a $500 per plate dinner to read a Batman comic that i KNOW you've read multiple times?"
"something like that."
"COME WITH ME OR I'LL KILL MYSELF!"
"tut tut, you know that only works when i'm sleeping with a guy."
"fine. i'm going to sit here and call all of my exes on speaker phone."
"oh owch. guess i'll have to sit in my room then while you torture yourself with the twinky brigade."
"Come. With. Me."
"Blow. Me. And. We'll. Talk."
"i'll buy you a quarter of blow."
placing the comic down gently i leaned over with tented fingers.
"I'm listening."
"I'll get you party favours if you come to the dinner with me."
"Done."
Up and out of the chair i buzzed into my room and started looking for my suit. god help me if i got too fat to fit into it....