fiction - july 30 2006

it was frighteningly hot out on the patio. stupid fucking natural sunlight and all that rot. i wiped the top of my lip again and tried to mop up the sweat beading around my sunglasses. i looked over my shoulder at the restaurant and sighed. 7 feet away from airconditioning and i'm stuck out in the heat watching my beer go piss warm from the sun and smog.
"Nate... Nate! Isn't that your ex?"
I scanned the sidewalk for him until i was cast in a shadow. he had gotten the drop on me and strode towards me. bastard was probably sitting inside where it's nice and cool. in tow there was a boy with a shaved head... a proper little mini me that looked over his shoulder from behind and focused a nasty glare on me.
I, I was a glorious mess, but wasn't too concerned. I was butting out one cigarette as an unlit one bounced around in my lips. my lighter was hot to the touch but I cooly lit up and feigned suprise. "Oh! You. I know you."
"Hi Nate."
Too happy looking. Too polite and not enough threatening to kill me. I was unsure what the fuck was happening. A show for the boy? Please.

My forearm was bandaged up to the elbow and snaked with blood that had peaked out from the gauze. I was dazed from trying to party hard after putting my fist through a window. Not enough blood to carry the booze around.
A few friends had caught me in a net of moral obligation to try and look after friends who are drunk and on the edge of collapse. it hadn't been too inspiring don't worry. they had simply kept me propt up in a cushioned booth to hold their coats and bags while they danced all night. gradually i found the balance of one shooter to every bottle of water. my skin was warm purple under the black lights. i don't recall sleeping on the fouton with my pants off and shirt over my head. Some how those moments were bridged together... with shit, well shit that I totally couldn't remember. But I could go for some food... and hence how i was duped into sitting outside in the patio... food yes, beer yes, sitting like peasants in the sun? Ew.

I kind of recall breaking the window... i remember knocking on Adelle's door... knocking and knocking... screaming at her to come out and pay me. what a scary mess. i banged my fist against the door for her to come out. i was expecting the panes of glass around the door to be treated... you know... the institution grade that you can dent at best? my hand flew through the section of glass and snared a fair bit of skin with it. i'm sure i did more damage yanking it out to examine it. Adelle burst out the door crying and pouding her hands on me to leave. I hoisted a gory arm up.
"Adelle, I broke your window. I... I didn't mean to do that. I just wanted you to come out."
She was stunned by the rivers of wet lines falling down my forearm and darted back inside.
"Adelle! Holy shit! Adelle!! I didn't mean to break the glass.... Please let me in... Call a fucking ambulance if you won't let me in."
She cried inside and I tried not to get enraged. Crying? Crying? I'll give you something to cry about. Leave me out here bleeding all over the fucking deck and all you can do is cry? I could have easily reached back through the hole to undo the deadbolt but that might be crossing a line.
I started down the porch steps and felt as though i was being slowly set into water. fully aware but slipping into something that was holding me inclosed. walking walking walking to the back yard. I yanked off some shirts from her laundry line and tied a tshirt around my arm. i secured it with a long sleeve shirt that I knotted the sleeves around to hold it all together. it was pushing through the material quickly. i better go to the hospital. yes, you can show up drunk and high at someone's place and not know what brought you there, but you have enough sense to get to a hospital? I guess i'll always be a little hypochondriac until I die so i cant resist the thought of a hospital inturn working on me and pretty much trying to ruin someone else's day.
ding-a-ling! i hear the streetcar. what luck! i think i can make this one. i was keeping it pretty straight looking until the driver looked down at my homemade bandage.
"Holy my god... Are you ok?"
"You know what would make me better?"
He shook his head and looked completely shit-scared.
"I'd feel a fucking lot better if you let me on so I can get to the hospital."
His face went hard and looked forward. I'm sure he was just concerned that i was going to bleed to death in the back.
I walked down the middle isle and people pulled back like waves of disgust. all silently saying the transit riders prayer of "don't let this whacko sit beside me..."
Finally I found a good little spot to stand and try not to faint. wow, i'm cut good. my whole arm feels icy cool yet i'm feeling a bit warm. don't forget to yank the cord to tell the man to let me off.
ding ding! ha ha... baby feels dizzy. i'm smiling at the noises around me.
and uh... wow. it just fades back into my mind like a little shiver. here and gone and there's just a small physical reminder... with stiches... and man do i need a drink.
I do remember making a rather forward trip through the gay ghetto to see if i could find someone who owed me money. someone had to cough up a drink.
Plowing through groups flitting around and chatting i cut through a group of semi friends and well wishers.
"Nate? Nate! Fuck man, did you try and slit your little wrists princess?"
Turning around to see who was talking to me I felt like wilting. I twiddled some fingers in the air to say hello and pop! down down down oh fuck the sidewalk looks dirty....
Gracious. There I am, looking up at a halo of men around me staring, concerned and asking me if I need an ambulance. cell phones already in hand. the fuckers will call for the ambulance but'll never stick around when the cops show up. no no no... no ambulance!
Seth cut in with some random friend and hoisted me up.
"It's OK! No ambulance... We got him."
Backs turned away and back to their original conversations. fuck, someone could have just claimed they knew me and dragged me to god knows where while i was passed out.
"God damn... could have taken me away... bastards... you..."
"What's he saying?"
Seth huffed trying to drag me up and away to press me up against a solid surface. "I have no clue what he's saying. Just hold him up for a minte."
I got a shot of heat inside of me. Awake! Pull yourself together! Seth owes you money! You can hit him up and get a drink!
"SETH! YOU MONEY ME FUCKING YOU KNOW WHAT TO DRINK!"
They looked back stunned. Seth pinched my cheeks in his hand. "I choose my words carefully: Get you and your shit together now before I leave you standing here."
Poof. Jerk. Dick. I'm clearly lacking a few quarts of blood and he's mad at mefor being embarassing? but... it IS rather tough to extract money from someone when they're hostile.
"Seth... sorry... I just got out of the hospital. I cut myself on glass and needed stiches. Just feeling a little MESSY. Am I right?"
He looked disgusted.
"Give me that $50 you owe me."
"You COCK! Ben, we're leaving."
I walked out after them swaying a little each step.
"Oh sure I'm a cock when you owe me money! For GOD SAKES SETH LISTEN TO ME!" I cut loose a yell that was a two-pronged approach of unecessary and hysterical. Seth stopped dead and charged at me with arms out to herd me back. I thumped into the wall again and his boy toy looked over his shoulder worried.
"You want a drink? Fine. I'll get you a fucking drink."
"What?! He can't come with us! You said it was just my friends tonight!"
"Shut it! I owe him this at least..." He grabbed hold of my wrist and dragged me into a steady pace of walking. "God I hope you can get in."
"Why the change of heart Sethy?"
"You can sit with our coats so we don't have to pay for coatcheck."
"Cheap fucking bastard... This is my night!"
I laughed but Seth ignored the boytoy comment.
I'm a coat rack. I'm a coat rack for a bottle of beer and the dull knowledge that I should probably stay awake in case i pop a stich and start bleeding to death. I plugged back beer in the corner and tempered them with water inbetween bottles. So sad... The doctor didn't even give me painkillers. I guess I did look a little cracked out to warrant giving me any opiates.
Then what? Then sitting listen to that terrible music and Seth with his little party posse. I was deemed the leper and there were clear scuffles to avoid sitting beside me when they took a break to sit down.
Come to think of it... Why the hell would Seth have even bothered to take me home... Probably trying to rope me into some threesome. One can only speculate based on prior evidence...
I should...
"Uh?"
Shit! Shit I'm wandering off and Ex is there. Another boy. Another leering little hairless dick who's disturbed to be around me. The Ex must love him. He's obediant and at attention.
"Sorry... sorry... there was a broken glass incident. I got stiches! Do you want to see?"
There was a collective gasp at my table and from the boy toy. The Ex strode up closer to take a look. Always a brave soul!
I let him take my wrist and turn the arm around.
"Quite the little mess there..."
"Can you believe that the fucking doctor didn't even give me pain killers?"
He quickly dropped my arm in disgust. What? Just because he was addicted to pain killers I can't have any? Jerk.