god bless, Young Offenders Act

8 months on house arrest. i don't think that's too shabby. friends have served more than that and i'm assured i can do it standing on my head, but i do know how nuts they all wound up. and none of them made it much past six months without snapping.
oh yeah yeah yeah, i get it. i could be getting 4 fingers slammed up my twat getting called Sugar Cookie in jail. lock ups do scare me.

i haven't served any time since i was a teenager. and even then, that was juvie. which, let's not put that experience down, it was brutal. lilly white and meaty i wasn't appreciated by my fellow ladies on the native or black side of things. well, initially. my gift is my fat fucking mouth. i'll take the licks if someone jumps me. i'd rather talk my way out of it. annoying someone into leaving you be is an art. or they'd be so squirreled around that they wouldn't realize i had yapped my way out of a fight. naturally you need to keep a tally of those run ins. it's helpful math when trying to think about the odds of getting a tray smashed over you head at lunch.

god bless the Young Offenders Act. i mooched and screwed the system on the inside long and hard. slapped it on the ass and pulled its hair to milk it for all it was worth. no one knew how smart i was so i aped an epiphany of education to boost my appeal. it was the fucking Miracle Worker. my teacher was a loser with a teaching degree who couldn't cut it with kids. to be fair, i wasn't removing him from any students. my sisters in chains weren't really interested in more schooling so really, i was just making sure he didn't kill himself realizing his lack of usefulness. i looped this guy around and around my finger at a steady pace. it was pure joy to think in my bunk about how i could maintain the whole scene without being too stellar.

at night i chewed on my cuticles reading "under the volcano" and Henry Miller that i had never gotten around to checking out. i hid them and toted around "to kill a mockingbird" as my gee-golly-shit-i-can-done-learn book. don't get my wrong, i do like the book, just that i had read it in grade 2.

teacher-teacher was thrilled with my progress. i do feel that i was justifying his job with his fat Pygmalion dyke impressing with my learned skills. the head of the training and education bitch clocked me, but i held strong. she would try to trip me up dropping big words and theories on my head. just baiting me to come out and reveal my pantomime... always in character i didn't make it too overt. this shit all chalks up for a speedy release.

the fights i got into were minimal and the few times i laid a thrashing on some cunt we shook and made up before the guards could separate us. i'm willing to part with lunch for a few weeks to shut someone up. it was swill anyway so i didn't miss much.

i kept my head shaved and received many little looks and kisses from the white supremacist chicks and rednecks. pretty gross cunts but i guess everything looks good when you threaten someone into eating you out when you're on work detail. i hadn't been raped, but admittedly i wasn't entirely thrilled about the whole scenario. just not stupid enough to kick up a stink. there was no option for me getting some muscle to help out, just every broad for herself. my roommate was a hard as fuck native chick who hated my guts but i unrelentingly engaged her in stories and conversations until she told me to shut up. sadly i finally got a laugh with 4 weeks to go in my stint. i didn't derive enough pleasure from it to stay pen pals after i left, but still, a new fan is always appreciated.

packing up my cell, teacher-teacher came to say goodbye. he looked at my book pile lovingly mailed to me by my cousin who stole them from the library at home.

"these.... these are adventurous! i'm so glad you're setting the bar high!"

my roommate was napping/pouting and refused to roll over.

"teacher-teacher she calls you... but that girl could teach you. isn't that right, doc?"

"doc? heh, that your nickname?"

"YEAH man, we call her doc 'cause she smartest bitch on the block. could be a professor. teach you something, man. you so stupid."

i leaned on my bunk and smiled softly. "you should really read this one, my fave in here. went through it 4 times."

forking over a busted copy of "the brothers karamazov" he turned it over and looked up stunned.

"i was supposed to read this in second year... never got through it, just got the coles notes... guess i should read it."

"ya man, good stuff. thanks for the help. keeping book smart made sure i got my ass out on time. YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT IT, LADY."

"ah shaddup. go home."

"i will... want me to write?"

"want me to knock your fucking teeth out before you go?"

teacher look scared and i just shrugged like it was some whacky sitcom dialog.

"i...well... hope to not see you here again."

"yeah me too... i'll do adult prisi if i fuck up again so juvie was just a lucky break. catch you on the flip side, man."

he looked dejected. did i ruin his faith in everyone? probably. was he going to kill himself at christmas? probably. but i'm not to blame, i'd just be one microscopic fuck up pain point. not the catalyst. in theory.