must... start... writing... again...

i was at rest for a moment. taking the time to love myself up in sandalwood oil bathwash and ativan the edges had all been rounded off. one plump circle , sir, and how.

today was a troubling mess.. falling off the wagon trying to cut back on smoking hadn't gone to plan. over deficit by one cigarette when i had promised myself 3. it wasn't based on any health benefits, simply i was loathe to fork out the money for another pack for at least a couple more days.

my secondary strike against good intentions flared up on the bus ride home from work. the normal late bus was stacked to the tits with chattering voices. eerily they all had identical knapsacks... stranger still was the high incident ratio of attractively dangerous jailbait tidbits.

i sifted through legs half out in the aisle and wedged between two blue bags poking at cell phones. hoisting up my own conspicuously mis-coloured bag i hugged it close and said a silent prayer. "they can't be terribly legal... think about something unsexy like smashing your cock with a hammer..." oh that's horrible. good. that'll do. now to adjust the ipod...

Skinny fingers pawed at my antique of an ipod. i turned to my bench mate who was wound up and pointing at the display screen. warm fingers cranked out a headphone and said a hearty hey hey and "i love-ah to my boy!"

horrified i thought about licking his fingers. wait. no. jail. jail. and really fucking creepy... let's not forget that shall we?

"oh.. heh, yeah they're great." i swallowed and ground my bag closer to my abdomen. it was very wrong but wholly lecherous to argue with myself for another 10 minutes until i pulled the stop cord and hopped off early.

i think i'm too anxious these days to even appreciate nibbling on a twinky, even if it's only to talk about music.

before my shower i looked up the college written on everyones matching knapsacks. some of them would have been over 18... so i've got that at least.