meow?

i had convinced Anthony to endure a schvitz with me. he sulked with a towel over his head as i leered at a guy who was getting up and conveniently let his towel fall off.
"Mmhmm... God damn I knew a schvitz would do us good."
"It's a sauna... stop calling it a schmit."
"SCHVITZ. If I wanted a fucking sauna, we'd be at the motherfucking YMCA."
"It's hot, it's steamy, we're in towels, it's a sauna."
"Gentile..."
"Sorry," he flipped the edge of the towel up to make eye contact. "I didn't catch that."
"You heard me."
"This isn't as relaxing when you're talking the whole time."
"It's not relaxing because you keep cock-blocking me every time i try to cruise someone!"
"And that's another thing, I can't believe you took me to a gay sauna!"
"I told you the options for prices... You opted for the cheapest one and here we are! Cleanest sheets this side of the south side."
"No talking. I'm going to steam here with this towel over my face and that's final."

Silently we sat. I adjusted my ass on the wooden slats of the bench and wondered if someone else would come in. reaching for a jar I ground sea salt into my shoulders. The crunching sound mixed in with my pleasured murmurs turned Anthony on a little. Either that or he wanted to make sure I still had my towel on.
"Can I have that when you're done?"
"Oh sure.... Good for the aching joints although I don't know if it'll help you stop being a lame old horse."
"Fucking... give them to me!" His fingers wiggled impatiently for me to pass it over.
"You're my little hijab-wearing buddy aren't you?"
"Salt me, now."
Plunking the jar down into the palm of his hand he worked out a palmful and scoured it into his chest.
I sighed and finally settled down to relax a little. I was wound up tight and i hoped the steam would ground me a little in reality. Nothing but my throbbing thoughts and thick lines of sweat rolling off me. I swear it smelled a little like pine as the thc oozed out of any available pore.
quiet now. see? i can shut up sometimes...
the steam didn't let up and i felt a sense of peace. if i sat still long enough i could fool myself into thinking that i was in a sweat lodge. if only for a minute.... if only there was a little bit of fresh cut cedar to inhale.
"So... Who called last night?"
"Why?"
"It looked like a Seattle area code."
"Looked like or you researched it to find out?"
"The latter."
"Yeah it was a Seattle number."
"You're not talking to Roy are you?"
"No and fuck off you nosey old thing."
"It's just... why would you talk to someone who beat you up?"
"Na-na-na-na no. Roy never beat me. You're thinking of Roger."
"Oh."
"Roy was the one I was going to move in with."
"Oh... I... Oh."
"Asshole."
"I deserve that."
"Ruin my schvitz..."
"I'm sorry! I thought that was the one who beat you up."
"Concern duly noted."
"Well... Shit. Why were you calling Roy anyway?"
"Don't turn this back on me, boy!"
"Seriously! I want to know. You'll tell me anyway."
fuck him for knowing i can't stop blabbering everything to him in the end
"He wanted to make sure I got home ok."
"He knew that you were in Halifax this week?"
"See, it's about Halifax..."
The towel lifted and his beady dark eyes fixed on me leaning to the side and biting my lip. "I didn't go to Halifax last week for business..."
"You... what?!"
"I went to Seattle for Roy's wedding."
No words, just aghast.
"How the hell could you afford the plane ticket?! the hotel room!"
"Air miles."
"Air miles. You don't even have air miles!"
"Ya, but you have them."
"Sorry, WHAT?"
"Remember when you pranked me into thinking that a publishing company wanted to put out my anthology of photographs? And I said I would destroy you and get you back any way I could? Well it's not really MY fucking problem that your password is the FUCKING CAT'S name! Really. I've warned you to change it so it's not so obvious." cue image of anthony's computer desk surrounded by dozens of pictures of Shiraz
"oh... oh.... I had been saving those for so long..."
"Cheer up, a few more years and you'll be right back where you started and hopefully you won't have pissed me off by then."
"Oh... damn it..."
"So Inspector Clouseau, the reason a Seattle area code was on the call display was from my lovely hosts checking to make sure i got home ok. I brought you back a tshirt if that sweetens the situation."
He looked perturbed. But nothing excessive, he knew payback had to happen over the publishing deal fiasco. fuck, i called my AUNTS to tell them...
"If you want to have a fight right now I'm sure someone'd come in and jerk off watching."
"no thanks... I can't believe you used all my points..."
"Believe it. If you'd start showing the goods on a web cam I swear you'd be able to quit your job. We'd have to wax though... you know... everything."
"Shut up. I'll leave you here."
"OH NO! You might have to leave me in a gay bathhouse!"
"BATHHOUSE! That's fucking it... We're out of here."
"sit, sit. Another 20 minutes so we get the full relaxation benefits."
ah, damn, this was a great idea.