really? [head tilting to side] REALLY??
recently i've had the luxury of mixing up the gay men in my life. i love the boys in waterloo, but as always i enjoy a solid infusion of something just a little different.
since i'm incapable of actually being happy with what i have, i often harken to the what ifs when things remain the same for too long.
as well, i feel like i can sound off more because the bulk of waterloo boys [daddy jr. not included] couldn't give a shitass about what i enjoy writing let alone reading it. that insulation presents a wonderful forum for being somewhat rude and also kill some time while my friend bounces his boyfriend off his cock on a bunk bed. [listening as it gets more frenetic]
a new homo in my life is the quintessential twinky. lithe, hairless, and honestly? an exceptionally natty dresser. bonding over libra qualities is always helpful but i can't help but think about how yes, he's hot and just perfect, but not something i hold up as hot in my personal tastes. isn't that fucking lame? i piss myself off sometimes. enough quid pro quos, let's continue.
deep down, i'm a bear at heart. if i had been a dude, i would be unshaven [more because i'm fucking lazy] and also just a bit of a werewolf. as a gay broad who watches more gay guy porn than any other genre it's just what floats my messed up little boat.
in hanging out with my dear friend from highschool in toronto, i've had the good fortune to meet a lot of gay men who are anything but a custard cup of twinky. twinky body types such as skinny and slight, but hairy with scratchy facial hair and unrepentant chest hair accumulations. talk of men never seems to be in the vein of boring [to ME] and my ah-ha moment was over the summer at a birthday party where i was a tag along. one guy was musing about looking for mr-right-now-to-bend-my-ankles-over-my-ears. he said, "god, i just want some werewolf to split his ass apart." wow. no, not about the ass splitting, more the idea of "hey remember when you weren't embarrassed to bring up liking older/hairier guys to your gay guy friends? implicitly, i just dropped mentioning it to avoid the awkward conversation of trying to explain that i like sucking on tits yet jerk off to meaty gang bang scenes.
i find some of these toronto lads [no, not just because they're fro the big cit-ay] aren't so... eeeerrrrrrrrrr clueless. they're aware that dykes exist, general working knowledge that they have sex and that there's some kind of motherfucking DYNAMIC at play.
keeping audience with two beautiful waterloo twinkies a couple of months ago, the topic was brought up about sex. there was a sympathetic glance to me when they were talking about anal sex. "well, not like you'd know anything about THAT stuff!"
[awkward swizzling of wine glass]
"uh, yeah i do."
"oh no honey, we're talking about actually DOING it, not hearing about it from gay men."
[elongated sip of wine]
"ahh... that's nice wine. no chump, i've had butt sex before."
[metaphorical feathers being ruffled and flying all over the place]
"WHY?! Why would you even bother!!?"
"You know the idea of you've tried the rest, now try the best?"
[blank look and me realizing i only make sense to myself sometimes]
"look, in a nutshell, i've done it a bunch of times."
"i just don't get why two women would do that."
"don't get it or don't know how we'd do it?"
[in unison] "both."
i will talk to you about fucking and sucking and rutting all day long, but i have an interesting quality of never really getting into details unless i know the person. because i can be so open and trusting, i've learned that i often tell too much and wither if i find out that i'm mocked about it after. how does one talk about getting reamed to an audience who recently discovered that two women can have dominate/submissive roles? [see below] you just don't. you skip it and soak up the attention of side glances for the rest of the evening.
which dovetails nicely into another tale of two twinkies. the same duo were talking about trying to find a boyfriend who was in sync with their tastes of being a top or bottom. again, the sad little "aw"gaze that indicated that i couldn't understand.
"wait, WHAT? do you think two women can't find that type of dichotomy?"
they seemed kinda stunned. usually i can be calm, but rage and humour often cut into my tact receptor. "what the FUCK do you think we do? sit in bed and argue about who gets to be the little spoon when cuddling that night?!?"
"oh... no, just... it's not like you can have a top or a bottom with two women."
you know that part in Fantasia where the devil rises up into a fury? that's kinda a LITTLE bit of my reaction.
"WHAT. THE. FUCK!!! are you RETARDED?! do i need to go through the ways women fuck and suck?"
"Ew, god no."
"NO! I think maybe i do!"
"But *really*, you've actually been in a dominate/submissive set up?"
"Are we talking about a whip and 'call me sir or i'll whip your pussy' kind of dom/sub or are we talking about who's in charge vs. who's taking it?"
[one dry heaves after "pussy" and"spanking" come up at the same time]
"The LATTER option."
I'm just beyond stunned at that point. when i think of how i've grown in relationships, developed into knowing what i want and like... how fun it is to not be restricted and just go with the flow.... i simply went blind with anger. for someone like me who rarely if ever relates to traditional lesbians, i got surprisingly dyke-centric at a moments notice when i felt like i wasn't a person that these guys could actually see as a human. ok that's harsh, but more the idea of you can imagine, gay men, straight people but i'm some enigma that you've relegated to some notion that i just frotage and mewl after kissing like lost kittens in the night. i often find myself muting what i'm actually thinking in these conversations to just avoid causing a q&a session when i really feel that in terms of what's out there i'm still kinda vanilla, but according to some folks i know, come across as some kink-o fanatic-o.
i composed myself, stood up and walked to the fridge to get a glass of wine. they were still waiting for me to respond.
"you want to know what i am with roles? I'm a loving top and an arrogant bottom."
there was some thinking and the topic was changed.
the best part is, when i mention this tale to jr. bears/otters they burst out laughing. can i get a what what to those boys out there?! at least i get a lot of milage out of my indignant trauma?
