in all honesty, i'm too intimidated to put up an actual craig's list post

i was busy working on a new craigs list ad looking for dudes to let me play with their feet when brad interrupted. "any word on if they're hiring at your friends place?"
"huh? yeah... no nothing yet."
"is there anything i can do?"
"just, uh, just gotta sit and wait i guess." fussing with the wording i hated being distracted.
"please don't let me bug you...."
"oh shut it. you can barely maintain eye contact with me if there's a hot guy on the tv in the next room."
"i'm really worried about this!"
"i told you, i can cover rent for a couple of months. just take your time and find something if you don't think the publisher's going to foot the next advance payment."
"i feel sick to my stomach...."
"i'm sorry i insinuated you'd have to take your clothes off to cover the rent. it was a joke."
"no! not that... i feel sick thinking that all this time i put into the book was for nothing."
"you've been able to sell everything you've penned thus far. so what if they don't like this draft? they're just dicking you around to try and squeeze some money out of you. did you talk to your agent like i said?"
"he's on vacation until next week."
"you didn't leave 10 messages on his voice mail freaking out did you?"
"Just three."
"not bad!" i turned back to my laptop and clicked around some more hoping he'd get the hint and vacate.
"what're you working on?"
"an ad to solicit men to let me do sexual things to their feet."
stunned he sat there looking back at my glib expression.
"seriously?"
"yep. i've just had feet on the brain. i want to get a guy to let me wash his feet, then manicure and file his nails. then go to town on them."
"i... see? i didn't know you were into that."
"THAT. That... that? you make it sound like some sort of pooping fetish."
"it's not common!"
"right. it's not doggy style in front of a mirror, must be perverse."
"see, you get so fucking defensive when someone doesn't immediately get your point of view."
"probably because i have a fairly straight forward view on things and it annoys me when someone that's smart and hip gets caught up in what's acceptable vanilla sex and what's taboo."
"really don't need this."
"you can either sit there and help me edit this or you can make a pot of tea and we can sit out on the balcony for a bit."
"maybe i should write out a craigs list post?"
"or we can take the streetcar down to the strip club and get you on stage for amateur night."
"wow! you had that ready to go didn't you?"
"fuck kid, even if i weighed another 60 pounds more than you, i'd be stripping full time. not my fault if i have an eye for talent."
"i just couldn't...."
"$3000 first prize, you know."
"jesus!"
"jesus ain't got nothing to do with it. you think me giving a toe job is bad...."
"what would i have to do?"
"take it off. and i mean, it ALL comes off. last kid i saw win got his junk shaved on stage and got blown for a solid couple of minutes. THAT'S entertainment."
"no! no way i could do that."
"guess you're making tea then huh?"
"maybe i could help with the ad instead."
"suit yourself." [ahem] "M4M 34 y/o looking for nice man feet to worship and suck...."
"forget it. i'm making the tea."
"no wait, i'm not done!" i raised my voice for him to hear in the kitchen. "let me pamper your feet and caress them with my tongue for hours on end."
"ok i get it!"
"...i'm ok with oral or hj's, not looking for sex just your big fee..."
"LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU! TEA PRODUCTION IN PROGRESS!!"
"you're a baby. what the hell do you do in bed? just clean each other like kittens and pass out after some stoic dick kisses?"
"why the fuck do i even talk to you?"
"because all your little friends are vapid and even you need some teasing to remind you that you're smarter than your twinky pack but you're a big fish in a little pond. i'm here to remind you about the ocean out there."
"good GOD! and you're stoned too! what was all this talk about you not smoking weed for a couple of weeks?"
"I said nothing about opium."
"OPIUM! no, like, for real..."
"ya for real. just smoked some before you got in."
"maybe it's better for you to just get stoned."
"no, a promise is a promise. i said no weed and i'm sticking to it."
he popped out from around the corner to look at me. "Can i have some?"
"god no! you can't pay rent, you're sure as shit not getting opium."
"honestly! again! do you think i need that?!"
"what? the opium or comments about rent?"
"fuck this, i'm going to chuck this whole kettle on you."
"go for it. i'll just put up another craigs list ad for someone to come be my sexy nurse and change my cock bandages."

i've been feeling so brittle lately. trying to hydrate myself with wine and any strain of water with icecubes in it. half-open eyes stooping low to try and push myself up in a chair and not slide under the desk. nod nod nod like i give a shit and promise myself i'll make amends in the morning.
that creep peeking over comic books for a minute to draw a cup of tea to my lips... another liquid i demand more and more of.
i take pictures of textures in dim lights to create the scenery that i've shuffled past. bliss in the small moment of zooming in to the last pixel and back out again. bliss in the minutes i lapse into decent conversation. wanting to snare more delicious mouths into open dialog instead of dumping the crap in my mind here.

whisper whisper

so i'm sick with a goddamn cold. this one has been especially "neat" in the sense that i thought it was a head cold and now i wonder if it was some mutant flu bug? whatever.

the main thing that's bugging me beyond being tired/light headed is my voice. anyone who knows me knows i'm incapable of shutting up. ever. so now my voice is a mix of raspy bottomed out tones and whispered little squeaks.

when i went into a health food store yesterday i walked up to the salesclerk and managed to say, "Hey I lost my voice because of a cold, can you help me find this?" and i showed her my list on my BlackBerry. She then spent the remainder of the time yelling at me. then at the grocery store i was whispering to my roommate who was talking back at a normal volume... but when i got to the cashier she started whispering at me. Gah!

how does this apply for people who have damaged vocal chords?? As in their voices aren't going to get louder/clearer... do they have to get this all day long when talking to people?? If so my fucking condolences... if I'm miffed at this for a few inconveniences i'm left shaking my head for others who have to deal with it EVERY time they open their yaps.

so i'm not in a rage over it, just more... odd that's how people react to a soft/whispered voice.

aHhhhhhhh

Damn it work, stop pissing me off.
/rant