Bel Ami Shall Not Be Interrupted!!
My roommate had couch surfers over on Sunday and they went on a party tear. It's actually a really cool way to meet people and they were having fun. No biggie! I was a little loathe for them to come over because literally, it's people she hasn't met before who are sleeping on the couch. they were super cool kids tho, so i was definitely unfounded in my paranoia.
The roommate borrowed her parents car for a couple of days before she went out east on vacation. We live in a 3 unit apartment house and there's only one person with a car full time. That being said, the guy with the car doesn't ask for much in terms of the occasional time there's a car. only to give him a heads up. I did attempt to remind her to contact the neighbor. he has the personality of a hard boiled egg but we can just text him.
Sunday Afternoon:
“did you call the neighbors and tell them you’re parking in the driveway?”
“I don’t have to do that…”
“can you CALL so it’s cleared up??”
“whatever. You’re paranoid.”
Cue midnight. Roommate is long gone. I have the upstairs to myself knowing they’re all at a party and won't be back for hours.
Long shower consisting of decadent hops and bergamont body wash and a tiny dot of my roommates super expensive l'occitane shampoo and conditioner. Let me tell you, there IS a difference between $5 and $25/bottle. I shave, worked on my poorly tended to feet and wrap up in the shower.
dosed in clean and delicious scents led me to prance around the house like a freshly scrubbed puppy. i loped around making some tea and smoking a joint without being hampered by pants. as i dried off i began to feel like i should really take advantage of the empty house even more.
So, yeah, this is over-share, but it's worth it for the benefit of a story.
I go to my porno movie collection on my computer and hum over what I want to select. I opted for a newer and younger themed movie. my usual is early 90's pre-condom bear daddy stuff or something decidedly muscular.
But I've watched the burly dude stuff to death and need a change. I go with a super hot BelAmi movie with TWINKIES, which isn’t my usual selection but hey, might as well mix it up.
So I’m literally at the 50% mark in terms of lift off, no clothing, just rave music on the stereo and twinkies and OH! They brought a friend. Hot… yeah that’s hot… so hot… you like it when that Russian comes over to borrow a cup of sugar don’t you? Wuff… oh YEAH! You don’t even wear underwear under your jeans, do you? That's so convenient! Yeah… little sloots…
[wrrrrrrr]
Shut up phone.
[wrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]
F*ck it.
[wrrrrr wrrrrr wrrrrrrr]
JESUS!
[using elbow to turn on phone]
*UNIT C* Oh what do they want… let me guess.
*UNIT C* 12:04AM: “Hi, can you let me know what you’re doing with the car? I can’t pull in.”
GAH!!!
I slap some hand sanitizer on and text the absentee roommate. “YO, need to move the car or text the neighbor to let him know what you’re doing.”
[no response]
*UNIT C* 12:29AM: “hi, I’ve been out here for 20 minutes… what are we doing with the car?”
Texting Roommate: “SAM I can’t move the f’ing car, what do you want me to do?” [i literally can't. i don't have a drivers license.]
Roommate Response: “KEYS ARE DOWNSTAIRS!”
Texting Roommate: “so the neighbor can move your car?”
ANGRY ROOMMATE RESPONSE: “YES!!! GOD!!”
So I’m preeeeeeeetty ticked off at this point.
Like I can’t hear most sounds or process colour because I’m that furious.
I just barely dress in a tshirt and my rattiest shorts and storm downstairs to grab the keys. My hair is soaking wet, my tshirt is on inside out and I managed to grab the only pair of shorts on the floor that legally require me to wear them with underwear. never mind that there were 4 other ones i should have grabbed.
Flinging the door open, I see the neighbor on the porch and snap my fingers to point at him like some d*key Clint Eastwood.
“HEY! Can you move the car in further? I don’t care if you wreck it.”
“oh.. uh… sure I can move it no problem…. What time does she need out of the driveway…”
“F**K HER. IF SHE CAN’T GET HER PLANS SORTED TO DO THIS I DON’T CARE!”
“oh… uh… it’s not a big deal I just didn’t want to get a ticket parking on the roa….”
“WHATEVER, just move it and throw the keys in the bushes after!!!” [I’m pretty sure I was foaming at the mouth by this point]
“okay…?”
Buddy moves the car and brings the keys back. “Hey sorry to have woken you up I apprecia…”
At this time I’m muttering to myself smoking and really sounding like I’m some schizophrenic homeless guy and he just slinks off looking over his shoulder.
It took me another 40 minutes to loop back to the point where I was pre-interruption and let me tell you, it was an angry, angry w*nk. And I don’t think those twinky boys deserved to be called all those names.
