fiction may 2006

this is fantastic. brilliant. exactly what i needed.
i melted under hands massaging my scalp. the gentle scratchy sound of hair being twisted and bent. The white noise of the salon fading into a hum and me buzzed out of my mind getting a head rub before a haircut.
eyes still shut i heard paws skitter across the hardwood floor... probably the dogs chasing a broom around.
and it was over. i shot a look at my watch on the sly and noted that it pays to tip your hairdresser well to get additional perks like a 10 minute scalp manipulation when they normally just flit around your hair for a minute and stick you under the hose for a shampoo. i felt my ankles pop and snap as i stretched them and stiffled a yawn.
"Oh damn you don't do that."
Xuan looked tired and turned his face to yawn.
"Sorry sorry, long day. It's not my fault you kill me with the head rub."
"Yeah I wish I got one sometimes."
"Tell you what, I'll skip tipping you if you want me to give you one after."
He thought about it as he checked the length at the back of my head. "No, I want the money more than a massage. You're nice to offer though."
"I try."
"Come on to the back for a wash. What's new with you?"
I never know what to talk about with the hairdresser. I'm horrified listening to people in salons going on and on about personal crap... shit i wouldn't bring up with a priest. Or even more terrifying getting shacked up beside someone who wants to run down the best Oprah and Dr. Phil episodes since they were last in for a trim. Me, i never thought that i did anything interesting enough to justify inflicting it on a hairdresser.
"Oh... Nothing much."
"It's always nothing much with you! Paul and Sandro say they spotted you at Dulcies on Saturday with a mob of boys up to no good. you have to do something with your time!"
Agh! I thought I had noticed them in a drunken haze. I had been out with the old crew from school and was a mess. I can't believe they saw me... wait... I can't believe they talked about it.
Xuan had me back in the chair and got the hint that I didn't want to talk about it. I'm not sure if it was because I was red or if I was completely silent. I don't know what the hell happens to me sometimes. under normal circumstances you can't get me to shut up, but i shit it with some people and turn into a shy fool.
Never being able to hear well in the best circumstances I was lost under the water. my eyes opened a little only to see Xuan's utility belt of sorts. Scissors, comb and other miscellanious sharp things. He attempted to say something else and I pointed at my ear. His face looming over me looked embarassed and turned off the water to later up my hair.
"Shit I'm sorry I forget you can't hear me that well."
"No worries... When you're done tell me about your weekend."
The foamy lather smelled like mint and beyond my vision dogs ran around again. I snapped my fingers and found a winkled boxer snout in my hand.
"Zooey, I'll kill you if you get into Nate's bag again."
"Aw baby, it's not your fault you're a troubled child."
Xuan smiled at me. "You're so lovey with them. You treat them like they're little kids."
"My kind of kids. Obese, cute and stupid... Look at him. He's not going to university and wasting your money or coming home gay and disappointing the family at Thanksgiving after grandma died."
Xuan fortunately got my sarcasm and laughed. "Shut up for a minute and let me rinse you off."
The water snapped off finally and I sat up to wipe a slobbery hand on my jeans.
"Your eyeliner is amazing. What do you have on?"
"Oh, I don't... wait... it's still on from last night I guess."
A towel wrapped around my head and hands jostled around to dry me off.
"See? See! You do more than you let on. You're still in yesterdays makeup!"
"It's MAC's Burried Treasure. No man looks bad in it and as you can see, it's waterproof."
"Well it looks really nice. Makes the blue pop you know?"
"Thanks Xu... HEY! GET OUT OF MY BAG!"
"Zooey! You asshole! Paul get your dog out of my station please."
From the front counter, Paul wheeled out. "What are you whining about now?"
"You asshole dog is sniffing a clients bag."
"Well just tell him to get down!"
"NO! A bag! Book bag... gah forget it."
Paul winked at me as Xuan pushed me back to his work station and sent the dog running. No harm done, just some puppy nose snot that didn't phase me.
I hopped into the chair and positioned myself as it was raised from foot pumps. "Now, finally, how was your weekend?"
"Wait, I said I'd ask you first. you must get sick of listening to people go on and on about their day."
"Yeah but I want to hear about yours first..." He pulled strips of hair down to test their length and shot me a small look before turning away.
"Well it was Orphan Easter this year...A bunch of friends all found out that our immediate family wasn't going to be around for Easter so we all got together and made dinner."
"That's awful that you couldn't spend time with family though."
"Are you kidding? Instead of sitting at a table with family members who barely tolerate me I got to spend a night with friends drinking and listening to music. We all made something and it ended up being this whack-job potluck with liquor. Cigars after dinner and just talking talking talking. I mean, i love the family and all, but it was great just to have a "holiday" meal that didn't involve my family asking if the whole gay thing is over."
"That... that sounds really nice actually." His face cast a sad look and he went into cutting my hair.
"Dare I ask about yours?"
"It was... well it was nice to see family..."
"But...?"
"But... it was terrible. Church and trying to make my way through a room of people who either won't talk to me, kinda tolerate me or the few younger cousins who will talk to me. My one stupid cousin tried to make this plot to get my mom and I in the same room... ugh!"
"Oh so real fun stuff then?"
"I wish I had been at your dinner instead truth be told."
Xuan, from what I had picked up over the year of going to see him, had been married at some retardedly young age. He's always said 20, but if he was correct on the year, it was more like 17. There was a kid involved, hence the urgency for a wedding. He described it as being in a dream. Every auntie and female relative removed him from the decsion making process. He said it was daze of being lead up to one day when he woke up, was dressed in a suit and got married. The details from that point on became sketchy other than being divorced, very gay and 3/4 disowned. Pictures of his son were stuck along the lip his mirror and 3 cats who were responsible for the steady smattering of hair on everything he owned.
Paul wandered through to talk to clients and banter with the staff. He put a chin on Xuan's shoulder.
"Did you show Nate what your dads bought you for Easter?"
He got giddy and turned out a thin hand to the mirror for me to look at the reflection. A thick silver band on his middle finger.
"Do you think it's advisable to give him a reason to show off his middle finger?"
"Why do you think me and Sandro bought them?" He squeezed Xuan's shoulders and walked to the next station. It seemed to bolster his spirits and he looked down at the ring before going back to the cut.
"Any special occasion for the cut?"
"Oh well, not as such, but..."
"See, you're so secretive! I would love to sit you down and pick your brains sometime...."
Shit. Shit? Shit... Shit I never knew when people were hitting on me. You might as well just grab my cock and let me know because I was oblivious. Or was this just small talk? Small talk. Yes. I had let too much time pass, I should have finished my original sentance...
"You, ah... you don't mind if I ask that?"
"No there's nothing wrong with that, I..."
"Good... I don't want to sound like a creep or something."
"Aw, Xuan, you don't sound like a creep. You're always so down on how people percieve you." I couldn't talk before and now I can't shut up and stop digging a hole.
"I've just..." He finished up the cut and started the hairdryer. I couldn't hear what he said and pointed at my ear again. He mouthed sorry and kept drying. He looked pained and serious.
Shit! you tit, you spent more time trying to make him feel better instead of being honest with him. Danger! Danger! I hoped the dryer would stay on longer... forever. Let the salon catch on fire and end this conversation neatly!
Click.
We had spent a year talking for an hour a month. An hour where I'm "on" and not how I am the majority of the time: A boring old crank. And I didn't like where this vibe was going....
He started styling my hair. Still not making eyecontact and leaving me to look at him in the mirror.
"I just wanted to know if we could go out... sometime... if, you'd like."
"Ah, Xuan, I have a boyfriend. I'm sorry I was just about to say and then you got all sad and I wanted to address that first before I told you I had a boyfriend and it's nothing personal and i think it's really sweet that you would even be interested in me because i'm like,"
Clunk! He jammed a foot in the back of the chair raise bar and I came down to the floor level with a jolt.
"No. No it was too personal to be asking a client I'm really sorry."
Damn it. Way to go. Wait, it's not my fault I have a boyfriend. Tough luck for you baby, I'm taken. Right. I'm so full of guilt that I will always assume I'm the asshole and take the blame.
We finished up in silence and I thanked him. He said bye and tried to turn away but I caught his shoulder. "Hey, stop being so hard on yourself. I sound like a fool when I'm trying to appologize. I'll book for another appointment?"
"Oh god! Of course, don't not come in... I mean, sorry. You make me feel so silly talking sometimes with my crappy grammar."
Good. You reject him and also make him feel like a retard. You're the feel-good gay man of the fucking year.
He followed me out to the front counter where Paul was filling in an appointment in a book. He shot us a look and must have figured out it didn't go well. My boyfriend James stood up when I came in, still in hospital scrubs. He normally would have been sitting in the car honking the horn, but had come in to buy some of the foot cream stuff for runners they sold. i, of course, had told him to come in and get it and had forgotten about it up until now.
James was incredibly tall and was shocking to see coming at you if you weren't expecting a lumberjack in ER scrubs. Xuan looked horrified as James came up to us and only addressed me. "Aw hon you look great. Let's get home and get changed."
Xuan put on a brave face. "You two heading out tonight?"
"Yep, I've been working night shifts like crazy and I miss Nate. I got us tickets to the orchestra tonight. Russian composers - something we can agree on classically at least."
"That sounds... so nice. I wouldn't know anyting about it though."
James ignored him and looked down at his watch. "Doll, get a wiggle on. Reservations are in 50 minutes at Zachary's."
A collective woo went out in the waiting room. I turned to thank Xuan but he had turned back to walk to his station. I watched another stylist look at his face as he walked past and could gather that he didn't look good. A hand went up to his face. Gah!
"Babe! Back to reality! Let's gooooo."
"All right all right."
"Book me in for next month please Paulie. Um..." I lowered my voice. "tell Xuan I'm sorry. Of all the nights.. the one night when James comes in. I didn't like, lead him..."
"Noooo noo honey... he just you know, thought you were..." He looked over my shoulder. James was probably distracted by his blackberry.
"He thinks you're really smart and just has been dying to get to know you. Not your fault ya know?"
A weak smile tried to wrap things up and I left a huge tip. James ran a hand through my hair on the way out the door. "Looks fab. You're going to look good tonight."
A good looking asshole....